Winter Tidings
by J. Maria
Summary: A collection of ficlets for the TtH Fic for All Crosses with multiple fandoms
1. A George Bailey Complex

Title: A George Bailey Complex

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Joss and JK own all

Spoilers: season 6 and book 5

A/N: FFA #95 Tara McClay / Luna Lovegood, but it's not a slash pairing, sorry to disappoint.

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A George Bailey Complex

She lifted her scarf over her mouth, blocking out the searing cold gust of wind. She really despised winter some days. The streets were covered in snow as she pushed her way through it. Stupid weather forecasting witch, the silly woman had gotten it all wrong. Sunny yet chilly, her arse. It was near blizzard conditions and there was no sight of the sun in hours.

The things she did for a story. The things she did to get away from _him. _No, there would be no dwelling on that painful subject. Crumple-horned Snorlacks. That was what she was after, no matter what the personal cost.

But a sighting in the middle of a busy shopping district? Even she knew that was reaching.

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she barely noticed the blonde woman in front of her until it was far too late. Plowing into her, she collided heavily with the snow packed ground.

"Are you ok?" A timid voice asked.

"Well, as soon as I get off the ground, I suppose I shall be -" Luna stopped and turned her eyes up at the woman. "I - I thought you fell as well?"

"No." She shook her head, "I managed to grab on. You know, to the windowsill." She pointed toward the display window behind her before reaching for Luna's hand. "Here, let me help you up."

"I'm usually not this clumsy." Luna took the hand and pushed her other hand back into the snow for leverage.

"Oh, no. It was completely my fault. Let me treat you to a coffee." The blonde offered. "I'm Tara McClay, by the way. Please, let me get you a coffee. It's the least I can do."

Luna tried to remember the alias Hermione had warned her to memorize, that the Ministry had given her. But she was cold, wet, and tired.

"I'm Luna Lovegood."

"So, do you want so coffee or tea? You're British, and so was Mr. Giles and he really preferred tea to coffee." A wistfully sad smile played on her lips. "There's a Starbucks, right up there." She pointed.

The wind gusted harder at her damp clothing, and Luna decided to take the offer. Luna followed, remembering the last time she'd had Starbucks. It'd been with Hermione at the Salem Academy that autumn, on her research on the variant forms of magic for the Ministry. It had been a Pumpkin Spice Latte, that reminded her of hot Pumpkin Juice back home. Unfortunately, it was a seasonal drink, so she settled for a Gingerbread flavored drink.

"So, where are you from in England?" Tara asked as she sat down at a table at the rear of the shop.

"Devon, in the village of Ottery St. Catchpole. And you?"

"Here. I lived in Sunnydale for a few years, but there were . . . complications."

"Why does that name sound familiar?" Luna murmured. "Complications?" Her journalistic intrigue was piqued at this.

"Someone - passed away." Tara said softly.

"Oh, I -"

"No, it's okay." Tara cutting off her apology. "It was a long time ago. So, what do you do?"

"Investigative journalist. And you?"

"Counselor, of sorts."

"Of sorts?"

"Have you ever seen the movie _It's a Wonderful Life_?" Tara asked, smiling softly.

"No, is it new?" Luna asked distractedly.

"No, it's an older movie. But my job is similar to the character Clarence."

"And what does this Clarence do?"

"Well, he's a guardian angel."

Luna shook her head, not sure if she'd heard correctly. Tara smiled brightly, nodding at Luna's stare.

"Okay."

"You need to go to him tonight, Luna."

"Him?"

"Yes, he needs you."

"He who?"

"Luna, go to Harry. If you give up on him, then he'll give up on - it won't be good Luna."

"Why?"

"Trust me, if you're not with him tonight something horrible will happen. Something that happened to the one I loved with all my heart when I died." Tears shone in her eyes. "He really does love you."

"I know."

"Then why -" Tara gave her a confused look.

"Am I in the middle of America instead in England with him?" Luna sighed. "Well, I wasn't ready to commit my life to being Mrs. Harry Potter."

"Yet you're the only one who truly sees him."

"And he's the only one who really sees you."

"Yes."

Harry stared at the fireplace, when the pop sounded behind him. Grabbing his wand and jumping to his feet, he turned to face - Luna?

"Hello, Harry. Coffee?" She held out a steaming cup to him.

"Luna. I thought you were in the States." Harry's brow furrowed.

"Yes, well, the Crumple-horned Snorlack sighting in the States was just a dead end. Just like most of those leads I've been chasing for the past three months. And I missed you." She smiled, handing him the cup and setting her own down on the table.

"So you're home for good?" Harry asked softly.

"Yes." She smiled before Harry pulled her into his arms. "Harry?"

"What?"

"Have you ever seen _It's a Wonderful Life_?"

Tara smiled as she watched Luna smile. And as the bell on Hedwig's collar tinkled, an angel got her wings.


	2. Heat Miser

Title: Heat Miser

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Joss and JK own all, Rankin & Bass owns _A Year Without Santa Claus_

Pairing: FFA #135 Spike / Neville Longbottom (friendship)

The brown haired teenaged shivered as he looked up at the vampire. This couldn't be real. Vampires were vicious, and generally didn't sit in front of the muggle television watching Christmas specials. No, they fed on you until you were dead. Neville wasn't about to ask the bleached blonde vampire what his true intentions towards him were.

"You know, this Claymation garbage is about as interesting as _Passions_." Spike grinned at the boy. "Not a big fan of cartoons, then?"

"Never really watched o- one." Neville stuttered.

"You're missing out, mate. Look, that bloke there - he's the Heat Miser - " Spike's grin got wider. "He's a nasty bloke that doesn't care for snow and such. Must reign over Sunnydale, I suspect. He's got a stepbrother, the Snow Miser, who doesn't care for heat."

"Being that he's made out of snow?" Neville asked cautiously.

"Actually reminds me of Peaches."

Neville decided it was safer to just nod along, and agree with the nice vampire man. Before Spike could speak again, the willowy brunette bounced into the room

"Spike, Buffy wants -what are you doing to Neville? He looks like he's sitting next to a rabid wolf." Dawn asked.

"Nothing! I'm watchin the telly. Christmas cartoons and the lot."

"Is that _A Year Without Santa Claus_?"

"It's the one with the Miser Brothers." Spike grinned.

"This one always reminds me of you, Buffy, and Angel, and when it snowed in town to save Angel." Dawn sighed.

"It snowed here to save Angel?" Neville asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, it was so -"

"Bloody hell, I'm trying to watch this, Nibblet. And if anything, Peaches is the Snow Miser." Spike said stiffly.

Dawn rolled her eyes as she plopped herself down next to Neville. "I love this one, and Buffy and Dumbledore don't really need us in on the confab."

"Shut your trap, he's about to sing the Heat Miser song." Spike pointed at the screen

Neville watched on in quiet horror as the two of them butchered the simple song. It was going to be a very long hour.


	3. Tin Soldier

Title: Tin Soldier

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Joss and Jason Katims own them, not me

Pairing: FFA #198 Graham / Maria DeLuca

"What does he do for a living?" The dark blonde woman asked, as she hung up the last of the Christmas decorations over the double doors of the Crashdown's kitchen.

"Since when is that essential information on whether or not you say hello to somebody?"

"Since we started associating with Max, Isabel, and Michael."

"He's a college student and is in the Army reserves once a month." Alex mumbled out that last part.

"He's a soldier?" Images of mindless wind-up tin soldiers raced through her mind.

"Yes. But -"

"No, I'm staying away from the nice government lackey. I'd like to _not_ end up disected, thank you very much." Maria DeLuca hissed at one of her best friends, Alex Whitman.

"Maria, he's not _that _kind of government lackey - he's a soldier."

"Ok, I'm getting images of guys with guns who assist the suits - like in Men in Black, only with camouflage." Maria tried to yank her arm from Alex but found herself in front of a drop-dead-gorgeous looking man sitting at the counter.

"Maria, this isGraham Miller my cousin. Graham, this is Maria DeLuca."

"Nice to meet you, Maria."

"Yeah, you too." Maria gave a nervous half-smile and turned to Alex. "Can I talk to you over here for a second? 'Scuse us."

Maria dragged Alex back into the kitchen. Liz Parker peeked out of the circular window.

"Who's the hottie?"

"Alex's cousin."

"You have a cousin we don't know about?" Liz asked.

"I'm a man of many mysteries."

"Yeah, and cousin hottie - he's a soldier boy." Maria snapped.

"What?" Liz cried.

"He's only in the Reserves." Alex shook his head.

"Army, Navy, or special alien killing ops, Alex?"

"He's only here to visit my grandparents for Christmas, then he's going back to California. He's not here on a mission, Maria." Alex sighed.

"Yeah, then why didn't he ever visit before now? Don't you think it's just a little too coincidental that soldier boy shows up after all that's happen this year with the -Czechoslovakians?"

"You are crazy. Certifiable, Maria." He raked his hands through his hair, while shaking his head.

"Well, she's kinda got a point, Alex. Has he ever visited before?" Liz asked.

"No, because my grandparents usually go to his house for Christmas. But Nana had her hip replacement this year, and can't travel."

"Oh."

"Now don't two you feel like paranoid crack-jobs?" Alex grinned at them. "And don't you have tables to service?"

Maria stuck her tongue out at Alex as she went to push the door open, only to find her hand on the well-muscled chest of Graham's.

"Hey." He grinned down at her.

"Oh, sorry -I -" Maria jerked her hand away, ignoring the laughter coming from behind her. As she went to duck around him, he put a restraining hand on her arm. "What?"

"You forgot something." Maria felt her stomach hit the floor. Forgot what? What did he know? Until he nodded upward. Then it broke _through_ the floor.

Mistletoe. Damn.

"It's tradition - unless you don't want to kiss a stranger."

"No, it's not that -" Suddenly his lips were on hers and she felt her stomach's butterflies float it up through the floor and where it was supposed to be. "Wow."

"Maybe I'll see you around before I leave." Graham said as he turned to leave.

"Wow."

"Maria?" Liz shook her shoulder. "DeLuca, snap out of it!"

"For possibly being an evil government toy soldier, he kisses pretty good." Maria muttered.

"Then it's a good thing we put the Mistletoe up?" Liz grinned.

"Good bless poisonous Mistletoe." Maria said as she made her way to help the waiting customers.


	4. Kiss Me At Midnight

Title: Kiss Me At Midnight

Series: Winter Tidings

Rating: PG

Author: Jmaria

Disclaimer: Joss and JK own all

Paring: FFA #245 Graham/Luna Lovegood

Graham Miller stared in shock at the girl hanging off of his face. Ok, so she wasn't really hanging off of his face, but her lips were locked with his. She was flushed, but an excited look was on her face. The happy cheering of the rest of the room came rushing back to him. The blonde smiled up at him, her wand tucked behind her ear as she settled back down onto her feet. She'd had to stand on her tip-toes to kiss him. She'd been the on-location witch for nearly two months, helping the covert ops team track down a rogue Snorlack. She gave him a dreamy grin, and he felt his stomach drop.

"Happy New Year, Graham." Luna smiled as she turned around and headed back to her tent, away from the loud, rambunctious soldiers.

He let out a shaky breath. And he thought all blondes and witches equaled trouble before now.


	5. Chocolate Fondue

Title: Chocolate Fondue

Series: Winter Tidings

Rating: PG-13

Author: Jmaria

Disclaimer: Joss and JK (that's sounding a bit repetitive) own all - I own a pair of nifty legwarmers and the ten buck lip gloss this is titled after.

Pairing: FFA #183 Andrew/Pansy Parkinson

A/N: Side note, this is kinda in the same theme as another Andrew/Pansy fic I did awhile back.

"You said it was chap stick." Andrew whined. "You said that it smelled like hot cocoa because it was in a Christmas set. You didn't tell me you used your witchy ways to disguise it!"

"Oh, quit whining, I'm trying to rope in a nice catch." Pansy sneered, trying to be as menacing as Draco as she tried to find a vampire. Her watcher wasn't buying it. He was too busy complaining about the chocolate scented lip gloss she'd given him as a prank Christmas gift. She was actually quite proud of herself. She'd cast a glamour on it that only worked on Andrew. While he saw some Muggle brand-name chap stick tube with a fat jolly Santa Claus, everyone else saw the Tutti Dolci lip gloss tube for what it was.

She'd been out with that insufferable brat, Dawn and a gaggle of the other muggle Slayers Christmas shopping, and had gotten it as a free gift. Dawn had been pressuring her to be nice to her Muggle Watcher, and even gave her hints on what to give him. Pansy had been so annoyed with her that she thought up the prank gift. That and she was frequently annoyed with Andrew, who'd single-handedly crushed her dreams of marrying Draco Malfoy.

An hour, three vamps, and a Christmas Eve later, Pansy found herself back in the small set of rooms in the New Watchers Council she shared with Andrew. He smiled tiredly, as he yawned.

"That was a really good hunt, Pansy." She shrugged him off, eager to be done with this very annoying day. "Pansy, wait a minute."

"What, Andrew? I'm tired." She snapped.

"Merry Christmas. Here, I got this for you a few weeks ago." Andrew held out a large square green wrapped gift box with a big silver bow.

Pansy took it cautiously from his hands. She shook it gently before carefully pulling back the wrapping. Setting the paper and bow to the side, she cautiously lifted the lid. Inside the green tissue paper was a pale pink jumper she'd been eyeing discreetly at one of the Muggle boutiques. On top of it was another smaller green wrapped box. Inside of it was a simple silver cross, and etched into the back was a small green snake.

"Do you like it?" Andrew asked eagerly.

Pansy felt her mouth go dry. It wasn't the most expensive gift she'd ever received. But it was what she'd really wanted. And now she was really regretting her prank gift to him. She could only nod.

"I'm so glad you like it. C'mon, Barbara." Andrew called to his pet Golden Retriever, who gave her a disgusted look. "Night Pansy."

"G'night, Andrew." She was left in the main room by herself. Setting the box on the couch, she reached for the pot of Floo Powder and yelled Diagon Alley.

That morning, a small Christmas tree was placed beside the fire, and two large boxes were placed beneath it. A very tired Pansy lay curled up on the couch, the silver cross dangling from her neck. Andrew nervously went over to her to see if she was ok. Her hand snaked into the front pocket of his pants and yanked out the lip gloss.

"That's mine, by the way. You're gifts are under the tree." Andrew stared in shock at the tree. "And Andrew, keep the mutt away from me for the rest of the day." Pansy smiled as she rolled over on the couch. "It was a long, tiring hunt last night."


	6. Raspberry Candy Canes

Title: Raspberry Candy Cane

Series: Winter Tidings

Rating: PG-13

Author: Jmaria

Disclaimers: Five words: Joss and JK own 'em

Pairing: FfA #437 Graham/Tonks (is it bad that I put that pairing up and then took it away?)

A/N: I like flavored candy canes and my brother-in-law always hangs candy canes on the Christmas tree, and this year he can't because of back surgery. And I know raspberry candy canes are normally _blue_ raspberry. But I've had pink ones before. I think I really like Graham, btw. Third fic with him.

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Raspberry Candy Cane

The girl was not trying to get noticed. It just happened that she attracted a lot of attention. Graham Miller snorted as he shook his head at her. That was the understatement of the year.

Today her hair was bright fuchsia pink-y sort of color, and her sweater was a pale version of her hair. It ended just above her navel, which glittered with a pink gem stone stud, showing off a generous amount of pale skin before the low-riding fuchsia mini skirt picked up.

Her long legs were encased in striped fuchsia and pink tights that leveled out at her bright fuchsia combat boots. Her violet blue eyes sparkled as she raised her white gloved hands to catch the snow that fell around her heart shaped face. She grinned at him, a grin he was all too familiar with, before bouncing over to him.

"Wotcher, solider boy?" She giggled, her voice bright and cheerful as her gloved fingers went to work on undoing his red scarf. She unwrapped it from his throat and quickly but it around her own. Graham stared at her for a second.

"Huh."

"Huh? Huh what?" Tonks teased, her arms wrapping around his shoulders.

"That scarf should look terrible with your outfit - but it doesn't." He said softly, his warm hands on the small of her back. She shivered.

"That so? What does it look like, then?" She snuggled in closer to him.

"It looks like a big red bow on a raspberry candy cane." He said huskily, one hand rubbed at the bare flesh on her back while the other brushed a fuchsia strand from her face.

"That's not a bad thing, is it?"

"Nope, I love raspberry candy canes." His lips hovered over hers.

"Really. Now I didn't know that." She giggled excitedly.

"Yup. They taste so good."


	7. Melts in My Clutch

Title: Melts in My Clutch

Series: Winter Tidings

Rating: PG

Author: Jmaria

Disclaimer: Joss and Rankin/Bass own all.

Pairing: FFA #272 D'Hoffryn / Heat Miser (A Year Without Santa Claus)

A/N: Part 1 of my attempt to get 20 new installments or stories up for my own birthday (20th). Pathetic, I know, but that's how I choose to spend my free day.

"I'm afraid I can't help you Mr. Miser." The demon sighed. He hated working these cases himself, and if he didn't think his agents could be persuaded. He despised having to go to the upper Echelon powers. Not that the Miser brothers worked for the Powers. "Besides, we don't deal in such petty matters."

"You grant bitter women vengeance. All I'm asking for is a head cold."

"He works for the Powers now, we can't give him a head cold." D'Hoffryn was exasperated. "Were he still demonic, then perhaps we could have swung something. But as you know, Mother Nature fixed that."

"Yes, Mother did, didn't she?"

"I can only reassure you that living in such Northern Exposure, he's most likely to get a head cold." D'Hoffryn grinned slyly. "We might be able to swing the flu."

"It worked last time. I got to reign over the North Pole for one day." The Heat Miser grinned. "I wanna give him another green Christmas."


	8. Greatest Lesson Ever Learned

Title: Greatest Lesson Ever Learned

Series: Winter Tidings

Rating: PG

Author: Jmaria

Disclaimer: Joss owns all

Pairing: FFA #417 Tara/Inara (Firefly)

A/N: Part 2 of my attempt to get 20 new installments or stories up for my own birthday (20th). Pathetic, I know, but that's how I choose to spend my free day.

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Greatest Lesson Ever Learned

"Did you ever learn of the Earth?" The blonde woman asked, staring up at the stars.

"Earth that was? Yes, we've all heard the tales." Inara Serra sighed heavily, focusing on the tiny pink drink in her hand. "I'm sure it was a beautiful place." She didn't really want to be having this conversation with this strange woman. Inara didn't even want to really be here.

But Mal, in his great stupidity, had landed them on this backwater little moon, and rather than be faced with him, she'd sought refuge in this little tavern. The woman behind the counter seemed to be out of place. She looked like one of the girls who belonged in the Companion Houses.

"It was beautiful at Christmas. All of that snow, and the caring. You could believe in mankind then." She sighed.

"You can't do that nowadays." Inara said knowingly.

"You can try, but it's awfully hard." The blonde smiled. "Or you can try to do it, but fumble along the way. You can pretend that something isn't there, when it's been there all along."

Inara stared at her, her words echoing the thoughts she was having about Mal. The woman smiled.

"It's hard and often confusing. But there was always something about Christmas that evens it out. Like magic. I suppose it's got it's own brand of magic."

"It's just another day. There's nothing magical about it." Inara took another sip.

"No, that's just it. On the Earth-that-was, it was never just another day. It's a sacred time. A time when the sky will blanket the Earth to save a love. It's love embodied." Tears shone in her eyes. "It's family and friends gathered together, even if some of them are Jewish. It's love and sacrifice, joy and heartbreak. It's the greatest gift."

"Perhaps we're too far away from it to see it. This isn't Earth that was."

"No, it's a backwater moon."

Silence hung in the air for a few minutes. Inara looked around at the tavern. Green and red decoration hung from the ceiling and walls, perhaps trying to give it a festive look. Inara had a niggling suspicion that the barmaid was the one who decorated it. Mal, Zoe and Jayne were across the room, no doubt making a business deal.

"He can't tell you not to leave and he won't beg you to stay."

"Pardon me?" Inara spun to face her.

"He can't admit what you won't. Just like you omitted the kiss. He really is that thick that he didn't know you felt that way."

"How - "  
"I can't say. Not allowed to." The blonde smiled.

"Inara, come on. We gotta get back to _Serenity_." Mal put some money in front of the blonde and gave Inara a look.

"Why?"

"Cause it's time to go."

Inara slid off the bar stool and followed Mal toward the exit. She froze half-way there. So did Mal.

"What in the gorram hell is this?" He yelled to the boy bussing the table.

"Oh, that barmaid Tara's idea. Mistletoe, an Earth that was custom. Force field holds ya till you kiss."

"No rutting way I'm kissing her!"

"That does wonders for my self-esteem, Mal." Inara said sarcastically. "Is there anyway to get out of this _without_ kissing him?"

"Nope." The busboy turned away.

"Sir, just get it over with so we can stay on schedule." Zoe said discreetly.

Mal let out a stream of curses in Chinese, before turning to face Inara. One second she was staring up at him and the next his hands were on her face, his lips on hers. Inara felt light-headed, and her mouth opened in shock. She lost track of time until Zoe coughed.

"Are you two quite finished? Force field's been down for two minutes." Zoe grinned as they sprang apart.

Inara blushed as she looked away from Mal. But when her eyes rested on the counter, Tara was gone, and the bell over the door twinkled on it's own.


	9. The Spirit of the Holidays

Title: The Spirit of the Holidays

Series: Winter Tidings

Rating: PG

Author: Jmaria

Disclaimer: Joss and Spelling own all

Pairing: FFA #193 Amy/Prue Halliwell

Amy groaned as she trudged through the snow to the cabin. She'd hightailed it out of Sunnydale after doing the guilt spell on Willow. If she'd stayed around - well, Buffy and Willow may not have been so forgiving this time around.

Her father had had this cabin for nearly three years, he'd bought it conveniently after her disappearance. It was nearly two in the morning, and the dull violet sky shone off the snow. Fog coiled around her ankles as she numbly made her way to the cabin.

"You know, running away never solves anything." A voice rang out from behind her. Amy spun around to face a tall brunette woman.

"Where the hell did you come from?" She demanded.

"That's a tough one to answer. Mind if I come in? It's really cold out here, and I just wasn't expecting that."

"Who are you?"

"Prue Halliwell. Can we go in now, or would you rather play another round of twenty questions?"

"What are you?" Amy demanded, backing up slowly.

"Well, I'm a whitelighter, or at least I will be someday very soon."

"So you're a W.I.T.?"

"Basically. Look, you're not safe out here." Prue looked around them several times.

"Why not?"

"Because your demon of a mother escaped the cheerleading statue and in turn resurrected the spirit of Santa Claus." Prue backed her toward the cabin.

"And Santa's spirit is a bad thing?"

"It is when he's a demon."


	10. Christmas Cheers

Title: Christmas Cheers

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Joss and Spelling own all.

Pairing: FFA #200 Lorne/Penny Halliwell

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Christmas Cheers

"Well, my dear boy, you certainly look blue." The older brunette woman said softly. "No one should be drinking themselves into such a stupor on Christmas Eve."

"Oh, I don't just limit it to Christmas Eve."

"Yes, I know. You've been drinking since Winifred died and Illyria was reborn." Penny Halliwell smiled at the green demon's shocked expression. "You didn't think I knew about that? My dear boy, I've been dead for a good long time. The dead always know more than the living."

"Really? Then explain to me why a sweet kid like Freddles had to be destroyed?" His angry retort was slurred by the excessive Sea Breezes he'd practically inhaled.

"I said the dead knew more than the living, not that we knew everything. Some things are even a mystery to us."

"Fantabulous." His eyes narrowed bitterly.

"Look, you can drown yourself in cheap drinks or you can go back to fighting the good fight." Penny said coolly.

"I gave up that life - I'm not one of the heroes anymore."

"I'm not asking you to be a hero." Penny smiled as she pulled out a small picture of two little boys. "I'm asking you to be a guide. My great-grandsons need a baby sitter before their mother goes insane. Do you think you're up to the job? It starts tonight if your interested. You can be with a family on Christmas."

Penny slid the picture toward him. It reminded him of when - what did it remind him of? He couldn't quite wrap his mind around it.

"They need you tonight, Lorne. What do you say?"

"Well, a little Christmas song by Barbara comes to mind."

"Good, here's the address." Penny thought for a moment. "Ring the doorbell and be polite. I'll try and foreworn them."

A/N: The song (that I couldn't get lyrics to) is _The Best Gift I Ever Got _. My mom used to sing it to me when I was little (I'm a December baby)


	11. Christmas Dinner

Title: Christmas Dinner

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Someone else does

Pairing: FFA #482 Charles Gunn/Kevin Girardi (Joan of Arcadia)

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Christmas Dinner

"Do you think you should be taxing your weak mortal body that way?" Illyria demanded, her head cocked to the side.

"You'll have to excuse my associate. She's not from around here." Charles Gunn feigned a laugh. Yeah, Big Blue was gonna mess this up good. "If you'll excuse us for just one moment."

Gunn wheeled his chair away from the table and waited for Illyria to follow. He opened the door and allowed her to exit first. Once the door was securely shut, he started talking very fast and very low.

"What have I told you before, Blue?"

"That I am to feign incompetence around the weak humans."

"Yeah, that too. But to not comment on my handicap as a taxation. I'm trying to help these people and I cannot have them think my handicap is going to keep me from doing my job."

"I was not. I was speaking to the mortal in the corner, in a chair such as yours."

"Damn, Blue."

Sure enough, the dark haired man wheeled himself over to his parents. Gunn swore under his breath. This wasn't the first time Big Blue had cost him a job in the months since the battle behind the Hyperion. That and the Senior Partners had black listed him in L.A. So now he was in Arcadia, on the night before Christmas Eve, trying to get the case.

"That one listens to an Old one." Illyria cocked her head at what Gunn could only assume was the potential clients daughter, walked by.

"What are you going on about?"

"Um, Mr. Gunn?" The dark haired man in the wheel chair pulled up beside him.

"Call me Gunn."

"Yeah, are you still interested in taking our case?"

"Of course."

"Good, cause my sister, Joan, just invited you to Christmas dinner." Kevin Girardi paused for a beat. "I can understand if you don't want to take the job."

"Is her cooking inadequate?" Illyria demanded.

"Yeah, but she's not cooking." Kevin grinned up at her.


	12. Surprise Landing

Title: Surprise Landing

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG

Summary: You really should look before you leap

Pairing: FFA #986 Buffy Summers / Sam Beckett (Quantum Leap)

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Surprise Landing

The fist collided heavily with his jaw. Sam groaned as he slumped backwards. It always seemed like he was getting hit when he leaped. A tiny blonde woman stood over him, her hands held up in front of her, probably preparing to hit him again.

"Oh boy."

"Oh boy is right, you weird creepy naked man." The blonde retorted.

"Creepy?"

"Yeah, all bright flashy lights and poof - instant naked guy in an alley." The blonde rolled her eyes, "I've had quite enough of instant naked guy to last me a lifetime, thank you very much."

"Al!" Sam groaned, pulling his knees up

"Huh?"

"Sam-" Al appeared beside him just then.

"Al, thank God. What's going on?" Sam demanded

"Well, you leaped - but something was wrong -"

"Whose body am I in?"

"Your own. She sees you as you."

"Who is she?"

"If you're quite done talking to yourself, maybe I can answer that. I'm Buffy Summers, and you would be who?" Buffy said huffily.

"Sam Beckett."

Al started punching in the information, his cigar propped between his lips. Sam wished he'd hurry up and figure out what he was supposed to do.

"Ask her what year it is. The name's popping up a lot of classified information, but if we can pinpoint."

"Um, you wouldn't mind telling me what year and month it is?"

"It's December 1998. Christmas Eve, actually. What's this all about?"

"Amnesia." Sam lied quickly.

"Ok, let her go - something really important happens in a few hours. She needs to stop it. Tell her you're going to the hospital."

"I should let you get on with your night. I - I'll just get myself home."

"You sure -" Buffy blinked, suddenly remembering that she needed to find Angel before he did something horrible. "That's a good plan. Good luck with that."

She skirted around Sam and raced out into the night. Sam felt that familiar tug of the leap.

"I hate dealing with the Hellmouth." Al muttered. "Always junks up the works."


	13. Snowed In

Title: Snowed In  
Series: Winter Tidings  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I own nothing: Whedon and Katims own all.  
Pairing: FfA #769 Oz/Maria DeLuca (Roswell)

**__**

Snowed In

Maria couldn't believe all the snow that was falling outside the coffee shop window. It was insane how much had fallen already. It was gonna be hell getting home tonight. She wiped the counter off before checking the wall clock again.  
It was insane how much had changed since they'd left Roswell, and yet how so little had changed. Max and Liz were married and Kyle and Isabel were dating. She and Michael were on-again off-again, again.   
Maria was still a waitress, but at the small twenty-four hour coffee shop just outside of town. Tonight she was the only one working, unfortunately. Cara, the other girl who was scheduled had called in with the flu, Maria suspected the little twit just wanted to go out. Michael would expect her home around twelve, but she'd have to stay until Pete came in at three. Hopefully the snow would ease by then.  
She was just about to go give him a quick call when she heard the bells chime over the door. A short figure, covered in snow, stood in the doorway.

"Still open?" He asked.  
"24/7." Maria sighed. "What can I get you?"

"Coffee black, works." He pulled off his snow covered coat and draped it over the chair beside him, sitting down at the counter. "Got a phone I can use?"

"What do you need it for?" Maria asked, putting the coffee cup in front of him. "There's a pay phone right outside the door."

"Pay phone's dead. My van's stuck in the embankment."

Maria pulled out the phone behind the counter and set it in front of him. She handed him the phone book as well.

"This is dead too."  
"What?" Maria snatched at the phone. Sure enough, it was dead. She pulled out her cell phone. "No service? You've got to be kidding me!"  
"I don't suppose you've got a car?" The man asked.  
"Huh? Of course I have a car, it's in back." Maria pointed.  
"That way?" He pointed.  
"Yeah."  
"Only thing back there's a big snow pile."  
"What?"

Maria peered out the back window, and sure enough, she could barely make out her little red car. She couldn't believe this. There was no way she was gonna get that cleaned off. There weren't even any shovels. Maria whimpered.

"Huh."  
"That's not really helpful." Maria snapped.  
"Sorry. I'm Oz."

"Maria. And it looks like we're gonna be stuck for a while."  
"Huh."  
"Great. Just perfect. I'm snowed in with a complete stranger. What else could possibly go wrong tonight?"  
"Well -"

Maria only glared at him as the lights flickered out. It was gonna be a very long night.


	14. Ravish Me At Midnight

Title: Ravish Me at Midnight

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Joss and JK own them -I own diddly-squat

Pairing: Ffa #942 Kit/Draco Malfoy

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Ravish Me At Midnight

Kit remembered how Dawn had briefed her for this meeting. It made Kit kinda nervous that there had to _be_ a briefing for a New Years Eve party. But she gritted her teeth and tried to think happy thoughts. Like having a few drinks with her friends and ignoring the annoying guy that seemed to pop up wherever she went. But then Dawn had warned her about him.

__

"He's kinda like a really annoying pet you get at the shelter because you think he's so sweet and cute and junk, but then find out he has rabies and just wants to bite you."

She should have taken that as the first warning that she should not be there. The fact that everyone else around her was talking about this huge battle that took place, and proper uses of magic just made it more confusing.

She slammed back the spiked drink. Buffy came over and talked to her for a few minutes, Dawn managed to pull herself away from her boyfriend Harry for a few minutes around ten. Carlos, her closest friend besides Dawn, had been fawning over one of the witch girls which made Kit feel like an even bigger loser.

Except for the annoying blonde guy. He kept hounding her, pestering her, calling her very confusing things.

__

"Vixen. Muggle. Temptress. Tease. Baby."

And that last one was definitely not in the loving pet name. It was an accusation. He was calling her a baby. She hadn't face all the scary shit in Sunnydale for nothing. She had her pride, which seemed to be all that she had right now. She kept knocking back the drinks, getting madder and madder every time he said something.

She remembered the shouting at midnight, the kissing going on all around her, and she remembered that last drink in her hand.

Next thing she knew, the sun was glaring down on her and her bed was moving. Kit groaned as she pushed herself up off the mattress, her head pounding. No, that was the door.

"Who is it?" Was that her voice. How loudly had she been yelling last night - wait _had _she been yelling? "I am _never _drinking again."

"It's Dawn. Um is it safe to come in?"

"Why wouldn't be?"

Dawn peeked her head around the door, her eyes wide open as she stared past Kit. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head.

"You might want to pull the blanket up, Kit." Dawn looked away.

"Huh?" She glanced down. "Oh Damn. How the hell did I get naked?"

"I think Draco can explain it better." Dawn glared at the spot on the bed next to Kit.

"Tell me I didn't -"

"Quite loudly, and for a very long time." Draco muttered beside her. "Now shut up so I can sleep."

"I can't believe I slept with him." Kit groaned, "I hate New Years."

"I tried to warn you." Dawn said sadly. "I briefed you and everything."

"And she de-briefed me, now shut the bloody door!" Draco hurled a pillow at Dawn. A smirk - _that_ annoying, knowing smirk crossed his lip. "You too, little girl."

"It ain't gonna happen, Ferret." Kit spat, wrapping the comforter around her and leaving the room.

"Already did." Draco called after her. "Never could resist a girl who yelled '_Ravish me at Midnight_'!"


	15. Model Citizen

Title: Model Citizen

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG

Pairing: FfA #1033 Gunn/Cobra Bubbles (Lilo & Stitch)

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Model Citizen

"Are you a model citizen, yet?" A deep booming voice came from behind him, nearly causing Charles Gunn to jump nearly a foot in the air. He turned to face a man he hadn't seen in nearly seven years. The last time he'd set eyes on this man had been right after he and Alonna had run away from their second foster home.

"Your knuckles still say 'Cobra'?" Gunn grinned.

"Of course. That's my name isn't it?"

"Cobra Bubbles, haven't seen you in a while."

"Not since you and your sister managed to fall between the cracks." Cobra lowered his sunglasses. "And I like to have everything accounted for."

"Yeah."

"You never answered my question." Cobra sat down in the chair beside Gunn's hospital bed.

"I've got a gut wound and you're asking me if I'm a model citizen?"

"You've also been in a coma for six months. A whole year went by, Charles." Cobra laced his fingers together. "Where's Alonna, Charles?"

"She- she died, about four years ago." Gunn said stiffly. "Guess that make it five years."

"What have you been doing with yourself, besides working for an evil law firm?"

"What?"

"Have you been acting like a model citizen?"

"Helped the helpless at one time. Tried to do that again."

"Heard about the senator." Cobra said casually.

"And here I thought this was just a good old fashion 'check on my former charge' visit." Gunn muttered. "Didn't know it was a 'beat the boy in a coma till he confesses'."

"It's not. And I'm still a caseworker." Cobra leaned back.

Charles Gunn was not the same scared teenager he remembered meeting nearly ten years ago. Alonna was dead, he'd admitted that. Cobra had always felt that they should have been the kids he was focusing on, the kids who could easily slip through the cracks.

"The doctors say you need a warm climate for your rehabilitation."

"L.A.'s pretty warm."

"I'm stationed in Hawaii. There's a charge I have there. This time of year, family's pretty important."

"And?"

"Have you ever heard of the word 'Ohana'?"

"Can't say I did."  
"Well, Charles it's like this. Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten." Cobra Bubbles sighed. "I feel I've left you behind for far too long."

He handed Gunn a small photograph of himself, some strange looking creatures and two young Hawaiian girls. They looked like a family, like his at the Hyperion back in the early days.

"These two girls could use someone like you in their lives." Cobra gave him a brief smile. "They could use a big brother."

"I-" Gunn tried to hand the picture back. He'd failed Alonna, and then Fred. He couldn't do anything for those girls. He was better off staying out of their lives.

"Keep it. My number's on the back. I'll be staying in town for a few days." Cobra stood by the door. "If you don't do it for yourself, do it for them. Alonna would want you to do it."


	16. Reward System

Title: Reward System

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: R

Pairing: FfA #186 Penn/Bellatrix LeStrange

__

Reward System

Bellatrix stalked around the cage several times, smacking her wand against her hand. She trailed her fingers along the cage on her fourth pass. She gave him a small, very evil smile.

"How does it feel, my little man? To be penned up - the irony, Penn. Lap it up." She shoved his face into the bowl at her feet in the cage.

"What do you want?" Penn spat, his chin covered in the bowl's contents.

"I have a little chore for you, vampire." Bella shoved him back with her wand.

"And I would -" Pain wracked his body as he fell to the floor of the cage.

"Because I have your pathetic life in my hands. You are mine." Bella yanked his head up by his hair. "And when you finish your chore, I will give you a wonderful reward."

"What?"

"I will deliver you to your maker." Bella leaned closer to him. "You call him Angelus."

"What do you want me to do?" Penn returned her smile.

"First, I need you to send a message to my sisters." Bella grinned wickedly. "By way of their children."


	17. Familiar Face

Title: Familiar Face

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG

Pairing: FfA #958 Jonathan/Luna Lovegood

__

Familiar Face

Luna smiled up at him as he kissed her forehead. She remembers a time before she really knew her heart. A trip to Mexico over the Christmas holiday where she first saw him. He seemed like a giant to her back then. She'd stumbled, and he'd helped her up. She'd fallen fast for him that night.

Luna remember asking him out, even though she was much younger than he, but he'd told her that he had to leave Mexico that night.

__

"What's your name?"

"Jonathan."

"I'm Luna."

He had dark hair, and a boyish face. She smiled up at him, and kissed him on the cheek. She pushed herself up off the floor. Luna had tracked him down with her owl, Soothsayer. He had gone to Sunnydale, where he had died. It had broken her young heart to hear that news.

Luna took his hand as he helped her up. Tears were in her eyes as she looked up at him. Jonathan had been the first man she'd thought she loved.

"Luna, what's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing, just thinking."

Looking back, she realizes why she cleaved to him. He was so like her first love that she was drawn to him. Five years had passed since she learned of death of Jonathan, battles had been fought, and she'd grown as a person.

She'd fallen in love with Neville Longbottom. She supposed it was because he had a familiar face, a similar disposition. But then perhaps she'd fallen in love with Jonathan because he reminded her so much of Neville. She rubbed her extended stomach as Neville kissed her forehead again.

Perhaps they'd name their son Jonathan.


	18. Bless You

Title: Bless You

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG

Pairing: FfA# 679 Tara / The Hulk

A/N: I remember taking my nephew to see the movie, and I remember seeing the old movies, but other than that - Hehe.

__

Bless You

Tara crouched down low, afraid of what would happen if she attracted the attention of the massive green colored creature lurking not less than ten feet in front of her. She'd heard the news report that the highly dangerous creature was on the loose, but she wasn't expecting it to look so - human.

It really shouldn't have surprised her. After all, Spike and Oz had looked normal and they both had the potential to be just as dangerous. Of course, Spike had the chip and Oz was only a werewolf three nights out of the month.

She felt a breeze stir her hair, and send a strand of said hair across her nose. She sniffled, trying to stop herself, but the sneeze wouldn't be contained.

"Ah-ah-ah- CHOO!" Tara sneezed loudly, sighing heavily to get her breath back.

She felt the breeze stir again and the ground shake. She stared up nervously as she felt a humid gust of wind on her face.

"Uh-oh." She whispered. The green monster stared down at her, nostrils flared. Tara struggled not to flinch as he raised a fist high above her head. She felt the power surge through her as it lowered. "Protege!"

His hand flattened against the golden protective shield. Tara saw something between his fingers. It was a torn bit of shirt. The shield began to weaken, and she felt the drain on her body. She passed out.

The Hulk picked up the young blonde woman. She was asleep out in the cold snowy mountain range. Something told him to take her somewhere warm. She reminded him of someone that he once knew.

A/N yeah, it's not that great. The sneeze - that's my sneeze. I sneezed from my horrible cold and it got a cameo.


	19. The Garden Shed

Title: The Garden Shed

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: FfA # 1063 Xander/Shaun/Liz (Shaun of the Dead)

A/N: Ok, I love Shaun of the Dead. I drool, giggle and fangirl _Shaun of the Dead. _ I do the same with the new _Dawn of the Dead_, but that's OT. So big spoilers for the movie. Anyway, here I go.

__

The Garden Shed

"I think I'll pop out the garden." Shaun sighed, leaning back into the sofa. "Two seconds."

Before he could get the garden for his typical afternoon visit with Zombie Ed, there was a knock at the door. Liz called to him.

"Shaun, can you get the door? I'm busy with the tea."

"Yeah." He cast a glance over his shoulder to the garden door. "Two seconds."

Shaun opened the door cautiously. Before him stood a quite normal looking fellow. Dark hair, average build and height, and - an eye patch?

"Hello?"

"Shaun, who is it?" Liz called.

"Hi, I'm part of the Z-day initiative. We check up, see if there's any loose ones we missed." His accent gave him away as American.

"We- we haven't any of the Zed words about here." Shaun stammered.

"Yeah, that little stammer is kinda a give away."

"Shaun!"

"Liz, I'm a little busy, babe."

"Well who is it?"

"An - um, what are you exactly?"

"Xander Harris, and I'm sort of an inspector. Or is it detector?" Xander said to himself. "Doesn't matter. We've got a sighting here, and naturally people are a little jittery on the whole topic."

"Shaun -" Liz stopped in the front hall. "You an inspector then?"

"Yeah, but sadly no gadgets." Xander paused for a beat. "Yeah, not one of my best jokes. So, can I come in and check the place out?"

"Well -"

"Um -"

"That is -"

"Excuse us." Shaun grabbed Liz's hand. "Two seconds."

Shaun pulled her into the kitchen.

"So, what's the plan then?"

"Don't think we can lure him over to the charred remains of the Winchester, do you?"

"Our whole life is going to revolve around that stupid pub, isn't it?" Liz said. "Could work."

"Right then."

Shaun and Liz returned to the front hall. The first giveaway was the big smiles on their faces.

"Nothing here."

"Maybe you should head down to the Winchester."

"There were lots of them down there."

"See, that's where I just came from." Xander smiled. "Someone spotted you leaving there with someone who was - " Xander pulled out a little piece of paper. "Slow-moving. So I'm thinking you holed up there during the incident, someone you knew died and became a zombie -"

"We're not using the zed word."

" - And after the dust settled, you went back for him." Xander looked at each of them in turn. "Am I anywhere near hot?"

"Now, let's not exacerbate things."

"What does that mean?" Xander asked, staring at Liz.


	20. Remembering Z Day

Title: Remembering Z-Day

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG

Pairing: FfA # 1073 Dawn / Diane (Shaun of the Dead)

A/N: Okay, Di was a drama teacher in the movie (thus the whole 'act like a zombie' scene) and if you saw the extras (plot holes) on the dvd, it showed what really happened to Diane. . . so spoilers.

__

Remembering Z-Day

Diane stared out at the small group of teens before her. After the whole Z-Day incident three months ago, many schools had to be closed, and more teaching positions were available. A lot of things were different since then. The bell rang, startling her. She straightened her jacket and made her way into the auditorium.

"Good morning class." She smiled brightly at the bored teenagers. "Right then, let's take roll. Andrews, Han -"

The door slammed open, waking up several of the students and startling Diane, whose hand went to the nearest blunt object. A tall brunette girl stood in the doorway.

"Hi, sorry I'm late." The American girl said apologetically, with juggling the theater book in her hands.

"And you would be?" Di was still clutching the three hole puncher.

"Dawn Summers."

"Sit down please."

Di took a deep breath and picked up on roll call. After that was finished, she set the papers down and smiled brightly at them.

"Now, this class consists of us learning the different acting methods. There will be no final in this class. The 'final' will be the play, held in honor of the National six month Z-Day remembrance -"

"Um, Z-Day remembrance?" Dawn called from the back row.

"Yes, the headmaster has decided to memorialize all the tragic victims of Z-Day." Di smiled sadly. "The play is essentially one young woman's personal experience of Z-Day. Vivian, our leading lady, is trying to reconnect with her boyfriend and her best friend. She is - well, she ends up at a pub brandishing her dead boyfriend's leg and living off said leg in a tree for a week." Di coughed when she noticed them all staring at her. "The story was in the paper a few weeks back. It's obviously a dramatization of actual events."

"Wow. Sounds - bad." Dawn murmured to the girl next to her.

"Well, we get the script in a few weeks. Today, we learn how to act like the Z-Day Victims." Di turned to Dawn. "Miss Summers, why don't you go first?"


	21. To Soothe

Title: To Soothe

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG

Pairing: FfA# 605 Tara / Sawyer (Lost)

__

To Soothe

Tara made her way across the sandy beach. He'd be over there, no doubt waiting for her. Too bad. Sure enough, there he sat in the sand, reading _Watership Down._

"G-Good book?" She stuttered, unable to stop herself from doing so.

"Pretty good. What'd Freckles send you to weasel outta me, Stutters?" The shaggy-haired blond man smirked up at her.

"K-Kate didn't send me over." She sat down in the sand beside him.

The breeze picked up, rustling her hair. The sun was setting, and Tara remembered a time when the setting sun kicked up her adrenaline. Her adrenaline had been kicked into overdrive since the plane crash. Now, all it seemed to bring was a soothing effect to her.

"What do you want, Stutters?" Sawyer

"You've been keeping distant, Sawyer." Tara looked away from the sunset, and let her toes sink deeper into the sand. "It's not good to get so disconnected from everything."

"Sounds like - "

"Sounds like I know from personal experience." Tara sighed. "Here, of all places - you need to stay connected. Otherwise, you just lose who you were."

"Yeah, cause we're gonna be found real soon." Sawyer retorted.

"No, we're not." The shy blonde replied, burying her toes further in the sand. "But that doesn't mean we'll never be found. It just makes it that much harder to hold on to what we used to be before the crash."

"And what were you, Stutters? Some little boy's unappreciated girlfriend?"

"No, never had a boyfriend. Had a girlfriend, not that it's any of your business." Tara sighed as she looked out at the water. If she let him run with it, she'd never get her point across. "I've never really noticed how peaceful it is here."

"Peaceful? Here?"

"Compared to home." Tara wrapped her arms around her knees.

"Musta been hell."

"No. Just it's mouth."


	22. Grand Destinies and Big Ole Portals

Title: Grand Destinies and Big Ole Portals

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG

Pairing: FfA #800 Buffy/Dar (Beastmaster)

__

Grand Destinies and Big Ole Portals

She'd been walking through the graveyard, patrolling like it was any other normal night. Stake at the ready, and - a serious lack of vamps. Buffy sighed heavily. The one night she was ready to do battle with the undead, and all of them had gone into hibernation. Was that the right word? Did vamps hibernate? Probably not. She leaned on the nearest tombstone. It was a fresh grave, and most likely a new vamp.

"Destiny sucks." Buffy pouted. She could be at home watching a new episode of the _Real World_, but no, she was waiting for a stupid-maybe-vampire to get it's butt out of it's grave.

The ground started shaking as a crackle of energy and lighting struck the ground just above the grave. Buffy jumped back, prepared to fight whatever was out there. The air was charged with bright white humming energy. The light got brighter and brighter before exploding loudly. Buffy was thrown back by the blast, and crashed heavily through the door of a nearby mausoleum.

"Oh, I'm gonna feel that for days." She groaned, pushing herself up.

Buffy stood in the doorway, staring at the scorched ground. In a circle of green grass, lay the body of a young man. Wearing only a loincloth and boots. With two ferrets in a bag, and a white staff. Buffy walked towards him cautiously. She was only a foot or so away from him when he coughed, gasping in huge amounts of air.

"Tao? Tao!"

"He's not here. Who are you?" Buffy demanded, stake raised. _Don't look at the chest._ She told herself.

"Dar." He murmured, pushing himself up off the ground. "Where is he? What have you done to him?"

"Nothing! I don't even know what he looks like." Buffy cried.

"Do you work for King Zad?"

"King who?" Buffy frowned. "What kind of name is that?"

"Who are you?" Dar demanded, rising to his feet. "Where am I?"

"Buffy - wait a second. You fell through a portal. At least, I think you fell through a portal. I mean, look at what you're wearing. You must have fallen through from old-timey wherever and landed here. In Sunnydale. . . which is here."

"What?"

"Ok, um - you're not demon-y are you?"

"No. I'm the beastmaster."

"Oh, well, I'm the slayer. I'm guessing this Zad is of the bad?" Buffy paused. "I didn't mean for that to rhyme. Just sorta happened."

"You kill people?"

"No, just demons, vampires, oh, and a hell god once. . ." Buffy lowered her stake. "So you master beasts?"

"No, I communicate with them."

"Nifty skills you got there."

"They come in handy."

"We should get out of the cemetery." Buffy said, noticing the vampire rising from its grave. "Just gotta do my job. 'Scuse me."

The vamp was dust within a matter of seconds. She turned to Dar and smiled brightly.

"Right, we better get you off the streets before you're arrested for indecent exposure."


	23. Eclectic Taste

Title: Eclectic Taste

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG

Pairing: FfA #747 Joyce/Hagrid (HP)

Joyce Summers was cataloguing the newest shipment of art for the Gallery when the door chime rang. Brushing her hands off on her skirt, she made her way to the counter. The small smile on her lips got even smaller and more O-shaped when she saw who was waiting out front.

There, looking much like the proverbial bull in a china shop, stood an extremely tall and large man. Joyce had never considered herself as an overly short woman. She was taller than her oldest daughter Buffy, and the only man she'd met who was at least close in size to this man was Riley, Buffy's boyfriend. Joyce regained her composure as she smiled at him.

"Good afternoon. Is there anything I can help you find?"

"Oh, erm yes." The large man dug through his numerous pockets, but paused. "Would you be Miss Summers then?"

"Yes, please call me Joyce."

"Professor Dumbledore spoke to ye on the fellytone, I'm Rubeus Hagrid. I'm to collect you know-what"

"Fellytone?" She murmured. What a strange phrasing. "Collect - oh, yes."

Joyce reached for the order slip behind the counter.. The conversation two days earlier seemed as confusing as the one she was having right now.

"He wanted the - funeral mask and the late nineteenth century looking glass?"

"'E told me to give this list to you." Hagrid handed her the slightly bent envelope.

Joyce opened it, and found the money for the objects along with the list of items he'd requested. There was an additional item on there.

"He wants the portrait of Sir Nicholas as well?"

"Aye, he does."

"We haven't even had time to unpack it, much less advertise that we had it." Joyce murmured. "The Professor must have a good contact. We only just acquired it."

"Dumbledore'll pay top galleon for that, he will."

"He has." Joyce smiled, noticing how Rubeus blushed at it. "Let me just box these up for you."

It was sweet, how boyish a grown man twice her size could act at a simple smile. It was rather endearing. Maybe she should ask him out for coffee.


	24. Plight of the Hawk

Title: Plight of the Hawk

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: FfA #790 Buffy / Tristan (King Arthur)

A/N: Ok, I've watched _King Arthur _recently, and I love Tristan and he's my favorite knight, so viola. Anyway, there are some spoilers here for those who haven't seen the movie.

__

Plight of the Hawk

He had died in battle, alone as usual. Tristan looked up at the sky, searching for that familiar outline that had always been there. He was not sure what had happened, or how he had ended back so close to the Wall. He'd been fighting the Saxon. Tristan had sought him out. He lived for the battle, the fight, the bloodshed, and for that thrill at the battle.

Now he sat at the edge of the knights cemetery, where he was certain his body was buried. But he felt the grass beneath him, the wind around him. He didn't feel dead, he felt alive. There was a cry above him, and he saw the hawk again. He rested against the tree. It felt odd, not being on a horse after fifteen years of constant riding.

Smoke rose from the ground in front of him. Tristan stared at it. He could see the tip of a sword handle poking through the grass. He heard the hawk cry out and watched as it plunged downward. The bird of prey landed on his hand, and Tristan stroked his breast feathers.

"Hey, you're free." He told it, trying to let the creature have the freedom he'd only tasted for a short while. The bird trilled, bowing it's head.

"Hey! Did you set something on fire?" A female voice cried out. Tristan looked up in shock. He had not expected someone to be out here, after the battle. "That's illegal around here because of the whole dry grass thing."

"Do the Romans make these rules?" Tristan murmured to the hawk.

"Hey, Lord of the rings aficionado, I'm talking to you."

"How is it that she can see me? What Lord is she talking about?" Tristan stared at the blonde before him, her hair brighter than Vanora's and Gawain's. No woman, Woad, Roman, or Sarmatian had hair that bright.

"Who are you?"

"Tristan." He replied. "Is Arthur here?"

"Arthur?"

"The Roman commander at the Wall?"

"Roman commander . . .did you hit your head while lighting whatever that is on fire?"

"I didn't light it." Tristan shrugged. "I suppose my head hit the ground when the Saxon killed me."

"Who lit it then?"

"My brothers in arms."

"Wait - who killed you?"

"The Saxon general. Don't fret, girl. It was a glorious battle." Tristan stroked the crest feathers of the hawk. "You've only seen this one battle. There will be more."

"Trust me, I've seen my share." She rolled her eyes. "When did this 'glorious battle' of yours take place?"

"Feels like only yesterday." Tristan gave a small smile. "What year is it now?"

"2005. And there hasn't been a battle here for a long time."

"Arthur is not here? Lancelot, Gawain, Galahad, or Bors?"

"Lancelot? Great. Let me guess, there's a Merlin in your world too?"

"He leads the Woads."

"The Woads. Why can't I just get demons to deal with instead of a ghost who claims to have been in Camelot?" Buffy sighed.

"Where?" Tristan asked. He didn't feel like a ghost, but then he really didn't believe in ghosts so how would he know what they felt like?

"You've met Arthur, Lancelot, and Merlin, you've never heard of Camelot? Have you heard of Guinevere?"

"She's a Woad."

Buffy Summers stared at him. He was as confusing as Oz on a bad day. At least he talked more. The bird on his hand wasn't a ghost, because she didn't think birds could be ghosts. If they could, there'd be tons of them all over the world.

"I don't think you're a ghost."

"I died. And now I'm back."

"Doesn't mean your a ghost."

"My knife will go through you." Tristan pulled out one of his throwing daggers and threw it at her.

Buffy hadn't been expecting it, but she caught deftly between her palms. She glared at him.

"Why does everyone think throwing knives at me is gonna prove a point?" She fumed. "Nope, you're not a ghost, you're just over a thousand years old. And you're alive." Buffy sighed. "I'm Buffy Summers. I think you should come with me."

"Is that your real name?" Tristan asked.

"Would you like to be dead again?" Buffy retorted.


	25. Get Back

Title: Get Back

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: FfA 464 Connor/Dani Dennison (Hocus Pocus)

Disclaimer: Joss owns Connor, Disney owns Dani.

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Get Back

Connor leapt over the tombstone, sword raised to decapitate the zombie. Suddenly, an ear-piercing scream tore through the graveyard. Connor cried out, covering his ears. He glared over in the direction of the tall, light brown haired girl. Dani Dennison stood with her hands on her hips glaring at him.

"Get away from him."

"Excuse me?"

"I said, drop the sword and back away from the zombie." She said slower and louder. "Are you deaf or just dumb?"

"It's a zombie, my mission is to -" Connor seethed.

"Kill an innocent soul?"

"It's a zombie, it doesn't have a soul!"

"No, that's vampires! He has a soul!" She shouted.

"He's a brain-eating zombie, I have to kill him!" Connor shouted right back.

"No, he's Billy Butcherson, a very old friend of mine." Dani snapped. "And does he _look_ like he's eating brains? No!"

"The girl's right." Billy said, smiling at her. "I've never eaten brains, mainly cause that _hag_ sewed my mouth shut after she poisoned me, but I don't like the taste of brains."

"Billy, too much info.."

"Right then."

"And anyway, the incompetent brain-eating version of zombies are over that way, trying to corner that old lady in her car!"

"You couldn't have just said that?" Connor snapped.

"No, you were too busy trying to kill Billy, remember?"

Connor raced over and dispatched the three zombies. After telling the old woman to go straight home, he made his way over to Dani and Billy, who was climbing back into his grave.

"Bye, Billy. Have a good sleep!" Dani said brightly.

Billy yawned before becoming inanimate once more. His corpse hit the ground heavily. Dani only sighed.

"He never gets any better at that."

"You're annoying sometimes, Dennison."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bitch to the Powers That Suck Monkey Butt. They're the ones who made you a champion and me a - what did they call me?"

"A visionary." Connor snorted. Dani punched his shoulder.

"Let's just get the Book back, okay? Before this super witch tries to raise the sisters again."


	26. Sneaky Little Witch

Title: Sneaky Little Witch

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG

Pairing: FfA 1138 Amy Madison/Tabitha Lenox (Passions)

Disclaimer/Note: I don't own either Amy or Tabitha. For the notey part of this disclaimer, this is a prequel to my fic _That Hocus Pocus Nonsense._ Someone wrote in a review (where I used last names from Passions for characters in Hocus Pocus) that they'd like to see a three way cross. . . well, this is as close as it's gonna get.

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Sneaky Little Witch

Amy walked into the little East coast bookshop/cafe with disgust. How unoriginal of a name could you get? The Book Cafe? She sat down at the nearest table and watched all the happy people prance about. It was like being back in Sunnydale with oh-so-happy Willow and her fun little life she had. Amy had been deprived of that kind of life for three years. While Willow was having her fun, Amy was stuck being a rat.

She was so deep in her thoughts that she didn't notice the older British sounding woman until she spoke.

"Excuse me?" Amy asked, not hearing what the woman said.

"You're Amy Madison, aren't you?" The woman bounced a little blonde haired baby girl on her hip. "The first witch of Sunnydale - or you would have been had your mother had a say." She spoke to the little girl. "Imagine having the famous blood traitor in our little town, Endora."

"Traitor?" Amy demanded "Who are you?"

"You relied on paltry 'inner power', your mother relied on her outer strengths. Honestly, child, you had the whole Hellmouth at your disposal. A Hellmouth, Endora! And who did she call on? The oh-so-mighty Hecate!"

"Did you know your whole 'let's announce to the world that witches are real' and talking to a baby who can't understand what you're saying is crazy, lady?" Amy said coolly.

She felt her lips seal up and her throat dry up. The little girl giggled and the woman only smiled.

"That's my little witch. But Endora, undo her lips so the girl can pay attention to what I have to say." The little girl pouted but undid Amy's lips.

"How'd she do that? Who are you?"

"I am Tabitha Lenox, and this is my daughter Endora. We live here in Harmony, and are the local witches. Your powers are great, little one. Don't you want to make them more powerful than that Rosenberg witch?"

"How?" Amy asked cautiously.

"There's a rumor that's been flitting around for a few hundred years that there's a book that holds all of the master's pretty little tricks."

"If this book is so great, why don't you go after it?"

"I'm needed here in Harmony, and I have all the tricks I need, my silly child. I live in a town that is centered by hell, much like your Hellmouth."

"Where is this book?"

"It's in Salem, at the Sanderson Museum." Tabitha's bracelets clattered together as she held out the business card. "A little too goody-two-shoes for myself personally, but you used to be one of them didn't you?" She said slyly.

"I am nothing like her." Amy seethed.

"Then I suggest you secure that book. My numbers on the back, should you need anything."

"Thanks for the tip." Amy pushed herself away from the table. She needed to get as far away from Sunnydale as possible. This book just might be the key.

Tabitha watched as the girl left. She smiled down at the cooing Endora.

"That girl doesn't know the half of what she's getting into. Winnie is going to eat her alive!" Tabitha cackled. "Let's get back to our girls, Endora. That was a lovely bit of magic you showed, little one."


	27. Divided

Title: Divided

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: FfA 511 Xander / Tess/Ava (Roswell)

Disclaimer: Joss owns him, and Jason Katims owns them

A/N: Remember when Xander used to think he could relate to certain situations because he kinda went through something like that before (_Phases - _him and Larry) yeah, he thinks that applies to a lot of stuff.

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Divided

Xander watched the two nearly identical blondes with growing concern. They'd only been brought together thirty minutes ago. He remembered the initial anger and mistrust he'd had to his own double three years ago, but they ended up getting along in the end. The curly haired one was yelling right now.

"No I'm not!" She yelled.

"She is!" The punked out looking one yelled at him.

"Huh?" Xander jumped, realizing that maybe he should have been listening to what they had been fighting about.

"You're just like 'em, a murderin' bi-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Let's not get started on the name calling contest, ladies." Xander sighed, leading the curly blonde to a chair across from the other girl's. "Willow should be here to fix this and you two can go back to being one instead of two."

"What?" They yelled in unison.

"You two have obviously been split in half - your good qualities and your bad qualities. So Willow's gonna see if she can fuse ya back together."

"We're not two halves of one whole, you pea brain!" Tess yelled. "We're two completely different people!"

"Yeah! I'm Ava, and she's Tess! I haven't seen her since she went off with Rath and Lonnie." Ava stiffened. "She's become more like them since then. A murder."

"So you weren't split by a magic spell?"

"NO!" They sighed.

"Oh." Xander paused for a beat. "So, you're two versions of yourself from this dimension and another dimension."

"No, we're clones."

"Oh."


	28. Old Souls

Title: Old Souls

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: FfA 784 Buffy / Lancelot (King Arthur)

Disclaimer: Joss owns her, and somebody else owns Lancelot.

A/N: Can I say how much I love _King Arthur_ without becoming extremely annoying? I don't think so. Any way, on with the ficcage. Also, I have never been to England, so anything I say about it is made up for this fic. If it parallels anything in the RW, it is by chance.

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Old Souls

Buffy Summers listened half-heartedly to the tour guide. Giles had sent her on this 'mandatory vacation' which turned out to be a recon mission. It was a wall. A big old wall that was as boring as boring could get. It was hot, she was tired, and she was about to get cranky. She'd rather be shopping, or looking at weapons. Not a wall

There had been some unusual magic activity that Willow had scoped out with her new extra strength powers. Buffy was supposed to be in Rome, getting over the Immortal. But no, she, Giles, and a half dozen mini-slayers were out looking for who or what caused this activity.

"It is believed that the Roman general, Artorius Castus was once stationed at the outpost here at Hadrian's Wall. Legend tells us that Artorius held off the invading Saxon armies around 467 A.D." The tour guide said brightly. "Recent excavations have given us new evidence proving this belief. Numerous weapons, daily instruments and even bones have been found."

"Weapons?" Buffy questioned out loud. Maybe this wouldn't be so boring after all.

"Yes. There are swords, axes, and even a few remaining pieces of bows." The guide turned his attention back to the group. "They are housed up at the museum, which is on the sight that archeologists believe to have been the original sight of the fort."

"Where were they found?" Buffy asked again.

"About a mile that way, I believe." He pointed toward. "We're unsure if it was -"

"It was a cemetery." An angry voice rang out. "You desecrated their graves!"

A man with curly black hair stormed forward, his fists clenched. He looked ready to take out his anger on the guide. Buffy stared at him, a long forgotten memory skipped through her mind.

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"Don't worry , I won't let them rape you."

She shook it off and stood between him and the tour guide.

"Easy there, killer." She placed a hand on his arm. He spun around sharply to stare at her.

"What did you call me?"

"Okay, maybe not the best choice of words, I'll admit. I really didn't mean anything by it."

"Put them back." He spat at the guide.

"I - I'm sorry, sir, but I have no say in that matter."

"Who does?"

"I'm not sure - "  
"Honey?" Buffy tugged hard on his arm, getting a very Thanksgiving-her-freshman year vibe off of him. "We'll go up to the museum and ask." She smiled at him, hoping he took her cue. She smiled brightly at the tour guide. "You'll have to excuse my boyfriend, Roger. He gets a little worked up. Used to be a gravedigger, very keen on keeping the graves undisturbed." She tugged harder and pulled him away from the crowd.

Lancelot stared at the annoyingly tiny blond woman. She was pulling him around and - dammit, she was hurting his arm. He was back for a purpose, and he needed to fulfill that in order to return to the abyss. He waited until they were farther away from the group to speak.

"What are you?"

"A Slayer, demon boy." The slayer pulled a small silver object from her pocket. Lancelot let one hand slip to the dagger he'd hidden in the loose waist of the peasant clothes he'd taken. "Giles? I think I found our perp." She spoke into it. "What? No, he doesn't look all that demon-y. I don't know! He wanted to put the smack down on the tour guide, I really didn't have time to ask his name."

"Who are you speaking to, woman?" He snapped.

"Hold on, Giles. What's your name?"

"Lancelot of Sarmatia."

"Lancelot - sure." She whispered into the phone. "Giles, he's a nut job."

"Who do you speak too?" Lancelot wasn't a believer of the things unknown, but even this tested his limits.

"It's a cell phone, Round Table boy." Her eyes widened as Giles spoke. "You're kidding, right?"

Lancelot watched her. There was something oddly familiar about her. She held herself just as Guinevere had. He stiffened. Whatever the gods had in store for him, they would not lead him to one such as her. Not again.

She stared at him. He was so odd. But then, most demons weren't known for being normal.

"You have to come with me. I can't explain why you're here, at least not right here. Too open, and you even think of throwing that knife at me, you will be in a world of hurt."

"What are you?"

"The slayer. But you can call me Buffy."

Buffy, Dawn, and Giles stared at him in shock. They'd even done the tests to prove he was who he said he was. He was - a fricken Knight of the Round Table.

"So, your mission is to protect the graves of the rest of the knights?"

"Yes." He replied.

"You know that's like impossible to do." Dawn grinned. "You can't protect them because you don't even know where they're buried. I've been all research girl on this and no one knows where Arthur is buried. And isn't he supposed to be buried in Cadbury. Didn't you all live in Camelot?"

"No, I lived at the fort for fifteen years."

"For the Romans. . ." Buffy said quietly. "There were only six of you left, and Arthur."

"Yes. Bors, Dagonet, Galahad, Gawain, Tristan, and myself."

"Dagonet. I've never heard of him. The others, certainly. Then there is the legend that Galahad was Lancelot's son." Giles went on enthusiastically.

"We were brothers in arms. Dagonet was killed by Saxon arrows, I do not know the fate of the others. We fought on Badon Hill. I died there."

"So then that whole Guinevere love affair - did that happen?" Dawn asked curiously.

"No, it never did." Buffy said quietly. "You died protecting her from the Saxon."

The others looked at her funny. Lancelot kept his eyes firmly locked on her. There was something very familiar about her.

"Yes."

"How'd you know that, Buffy?" Dawn asked.

"Old souls think alike." She said simply. "Besides, he sounds too reverent of his friendship with Arthur to screw it up."

Lancelot wondered if she'd met up with Arthur in this life.


	29. Mastermind

Title: Mastermind

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG

Pairing: FfA 215 Harmony / Tess Harding

A/N: Supposed to be a drabble . . .little bit longer than that. And the timelines are very mixed up.

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Mastermind

"Oh please, you're weak as far as being bad goes." Harmony whined at the other blonde temp. She was heavily pregnant and annoying to boot. Not that Harmony ever wanted to have children, or that she had the choice anymore.

"Your a stupid vampire, everyone knows you're going to betray Angel." Tess rolled her eyes and bit into the salad liberally drenched in Tabasco sauce.

"I wouldn't betray Angel!" Harmony looked around nervously, giggling.

"Yes, you would - you're soulless."

"You killed people and you have a soul. Why can't I be good even though I don't have a soul?"

"That's different." The alien snapped. "They didn't know until long after I betrayed them that I was evil. You broadcast it like a billboard."

"Whatever. I bet they _totally _ knew you were evil." Harmony huffed.

Well, there was no way that Harmony was gonna ask Tess to help her betray Angel now. She was so stuck up.


	30. Winter Coats

Title: Winter Coats

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG

Pairing: FfA # 254 Xander / Starfire (from Teen Titans)

A/N: My mind is very weird. I apologize in advance. . .

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Winter Coats

The cold wind whipped and howled around the pair of teenage slayers and superheroes. Xander Harris stood at the end of the group, and as he waited for the girl chatting with Dawn, the wind blew his coat's hood over his head. He tried in vain to push it back down, but the wind kept blowing it back into place. Finally, he just gave up.

There are problems with just giving up, however. The hood covered his eyes, and he had to tilt his head back to see from his good eye. The second they were in the building, shaped like a big T, Xander laughed good-naturedly.

"I guess my head is smaller than the people these coats were made for." He chuckled. "That or it shrunk since I lost my eye."

The redheaded girl who had been talking with Dawn gave a horrified gasp. She stared at Xander.

"Your head has shrunk, Xander."

"No, Starfire -" He started to say.

"Yes, your head is hideously smaller than everyone else's."

"It was - "

"Robin's head is not as hideously small nor are Cyborg or Beast Boy's."

"Maybe it's a Sunnydale thing." Dawn giggled. "Is my head smaller than Raven's, Starfire?"

"No. It seems to just affect the Sunnydale males. Andrew's might be, Mr. Giles' is not." The alien girl seemed to ponder this for a moment. "He is not from Sunnydale."

"The Hellmouth must have been checking it's own evilness by shrinking all the baby boys heads at birth." Dawn replied

"It can do that?" Starfire asked in awe.

"No, it's not." Xander interrupted whatever Dawn was about to say.

"Actually, it was evil. It might just do that." Dawn smiled.

"His hideously shrunken head frightens me." Starfire flew off to catch up with the rest of the girls.

"Thanks Dawn, now all the girls will be measuring my head."

"No problem, Xan." Dawn smiled brightly.

"Crazy glowing green girls." He muttered, smiling as green bird fluttered past him. "Hey, Beast Boy, wanna help me with something?"


	31. Like Dancing

Title: Like Dancing

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I own none. Bruckheimer Co own Tristan, and Joss owns Illyria

FfA Pairing: #771 Illyria / Tristan (King Arthur)

Summary: Talking leads to violence leads to sardonic comments

A/N: eyeroll I couldn't resist.

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Like Dancing

The blue skinned woman cocked her head at him, watching his every move in a very calculating way. Had he been a lesser man, he would have faltered under her determined glare. She was odd. She looked like the Woads, but acted superior.

"Wes, keep her back." The dark haired abomination ordered.

"Yes, let me just try to control the God King, shall I?" Wesley said drolly.

"She's a king then?" Tristan asked. "And a god as well?"

"You speak as if this Shell was of my choosing, pathetic human." Illyria said.

"I've no doubt you'd have chosen a more capable body than that." Tristan replied, his hand holding the curved blade tighter, his body readying itself for the dance.

About five minutes later, a heavily breathing Tristan lay flat on his back with a leather boot to his throat and his sword in her hand.

"He is much more enjoyable than Spike. May I make him my pet?"


	32. Never Say Wish

Title: Never Say Wish

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer: I don't own Dawn or Meatwad. Joss and someone else owns them.

FfA Pairing: #1184 Dawn / Meatwad (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)

A/N: I should not be allowed to watch adult swim by myself. It leads to plot mongeese.

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Never Say Wish

Dawn remember saying the dreaded W-word, but she couldn't remember what she'd said before it. She'd been fighting with Buffy over going to Rome. While it was a great place to visit, it wasn't her first choice for a new home. But Buffy was in love, and everybody must bow to Buffy's cookie-whatever she claimed to have. It was annoying.

So, Dawn had said the W-word, and now she was standing in front of a dingy looking house with a door in the shape of a soda cup and straw. Suddenly the door swung open and something emerged. Dawn screamed.

"Hey! It worked! I got me a new girlfriend!" The huge meatball with eyes cried happily.

"No way! This little meat turd gets a girlfriend and I get a fluffy pink bunny?" A huge Styrofoam cup yelled.

"All the girlies love the Meatwad." Meatwad said smugly.

"Meatwad, what did you do?" An order of fries demanded.

"I think I'm gonna faint." Dawn said to herself.

"I met a pretty lady, and she said she'd grant me a wish. So I asked for a girlfriend."  
"Why did you ask for a girlfriend?"

"Cuz Shake said a girlfriend would play with you and do all kinds of things."

"Shake!"

"Like I knew he was listening. He never does anyway!"

"I really wished I hadn't wished to go someplace different." Dawn muttered.

"Hey, girlfriend will you play with me?" Meatwad asked.

"Oh."

"Miss, what's your name?" The order of fries asked.

"Dawn."

"I'm Frylock, this is Meatwad, and that -" Frylock said, giving Shake a dirty look. "Is Master Shake. You said you wished for something too?"

"Yeah. To go anywhere but Rome."

"And you picked here?"

"No. The vengeance demon did."

"Demons! I don't like demons!" Meatwad cried.

"Oh, god."

"Welcome to our world. Can you cook?" Shake said loudly and slowly.

"Shake, she's not like the mail-order bride you had! She can understand you."

"Well how am I supposed to know. Well, can you cook?" Shake demanded. Dawn hit him. Hard. "What is your problem?"


	33. Polar Opposites

Title: Polar Opposites

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer: I don't own Clem or The Grinch. Joss and Dr. Seuss else owns them.

FfA Pairing: #294 Clem / The Grinch (Dr. Seuss)

A/N: Set before _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_.

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Polar Opposites

Clem wasn't sure how he had gotten such weird genes in his family, but all the Whos in Whoville were sure he must have been one of the umbrella baby mix-ups like the Grinch. So he had extra layers of skin, could do bizarre things with his face, had weird eyes and a penchant for kitten? Did that make him as vile as the Grinch? No, he was a good non-Who. And who ever said the Who's were normal? Their skin was too tight and their noses did this funny point thing. The teasing of those upward-pointed nosers had driven him here, to this mountain where the Grinch was rumored to live.

"Whaddya want?" A voice snarled down at him.

"Not much, just a nice place in a warmer climate, good friends, a good poker game and a sack full of kittens." Clem said smiling.

"We don't have any of those here. Go away!"

"You don't have be such a jerk about it." Clem said dejectedly, turning from the mountain. He wished he could have all those things.

"Hello, I'm the GRINCH!" The green-skinned creature yelled from deep in his lair. Stupid Who.


	34. We Carry On

Title: We Carry On

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer: I don't own Cordelia or The Grey Lady. Joss and J.K. Rowlings owns them. I don't own the title either, Tim McGraw does.

FfA Pairing: #1086 Cordelia / The Gray Lady (Ravenclaw Ghost HP)

A/N: Set after Episode 100.

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We Carry On

When you die, you're supposed to go to heaven. Especially if you had a hell-rific life like Cordelia had had. You're not supposed to be a big gray floating blob in some creep-tastic castle in the middle of nowhere! Five minutes ago, she'd been watching Angel get the news of her death. Now she was in some room where someone had gone crazy with blue. A woman with light blue-gray hair, that she assumed was once blond if her own dark blue-gray locks were anything to go by, floated next to her, a shocked look on her face.

"Who are you? Where am I?" Cordelia demanded, trying to get her floating balance. She should be used to this now.

"You're newly deceased, aren't you?" The woman asked gently. "You're a ghost my dear."

"Yeah, I got that. But why am I here? Where is here?" Cordelia snapped.

"Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"Ha ha. Real cute, lady. Where am I for real?"

"I spoke the truth." She replied, unblinking. "I am the Ravenclaw ghost, the Gray Lady."

"I'm Cordelia Chase, and that's not a name."

"Yes, I suppose it isn't. I was called Matilda once, but it was a very long time ago. None of the ghosts are called by their proper names, save Sir Nick, the Gryffindor ghost." The Gray Lady smiled. "Why are you here?"  
"That's what I asked you."

Just then a real blonde girl walked through the pair of ghosts, a chain of corks on around her throat and radish shaped earrings dangling from her ears. Her eyes were moon-shaped as she cocked her head to the side. _What a creepy kid_, Cordelia couldn't help thinking.

"Hello Lady Matilda. Who's the new ghost then?"

"Lady Cordelia, Miss Lovegood." The Gray Lady smiled, watching in quiet awe as Cordelia's ghostly form shimmered. She remembered that. "Haven't you class today, Miss Lovegood?"

"No, there were threats issued and classes were cancelled. I'm quite sure Harry Potter is somewhere behind it all."

"Of course. You will do a through research though?" The Gray Lady fought to suppress the smile.

"Yes. It requires immediate research." Luna said in a voice more serious than it had been a moment ago. "I should be off."

"Of course."

Cordelia stared mutely at the girl as she left. Her voice had seemed to freeze up the second the girl had spoken. Of course, she'd just been walked through so that could have had something to do with it. She turned to the Gray Lady, questions bubbling out of her.

"Hush, child." The Gray Lady smiled. "Now the other ghosts, mainly the male ghosts, believe that you become a ghost because at the time of your death you are afraid of what lies behind the veil."

"What does -"

"I said hush." The Gray Lady said sharply. "But some ghosts are made out of necessity. I believe that you are one of those ghosts."

"Why? The Powers have screwed me over tons of times, and now I can't go to heaven? Ever?" Cordelia cried, frustrated.

"No. I'm sure one day they will release you, but it seems that you are much like I."

"How so?" Cordelia said bitterly.

"You are meant to be a guide." The Gray Lady smiled brightly, "And you just met the one you are meant to guide."

"Another champion." Cordelia groaned. The Powers were really pissing her off.


	35. Where Are You Going?

Title: Where Are You Going?

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer: I don't own Robin or Tonks. Joss and J.K. Rowlings owns them. I don't own the title either, the Dave Matthews Band does.

FfA Pairing: #675 Robin / Tonks (HP)

A/N: Set after book 5 (where Nymphandora Tonks is introduced)

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Where Are You Going?

"Oi! Watch it!" Tonks snapped, trying to balance herself as she stumbled over her own feet.

Tears blurred her already drunken vision. She'd stopped counting after two shots. There'd been quite a few thrown back. She'd remember in the morning why she hated Firewhiskey. But tonight she'd needed it. She was sick of the pitying glances and angry stares. Molly was miffed at her because she'd heard that Tonks had broken things off with Charlie. Harry was angry at everyone, but had taken it out on her because she'd been the nearest one.

Her heart hurt. Her favorite cousin was dead, and all she'd done was gotten herself knocked out during the battle. She couldn't bear Charlie's can-do spirit anymore, she'd been fighting with Kingsley, Harry was just bitter and angry, and she felt like an absolute failure. Thus explaining the vast quantity of Firewhiskey she'd wolfed down. Which only led her to thinking about the sorrowful, while still dead sexy, Remus Lupin who mourned over Sirius' death. Which explained the Butterbeer chasers shed had.

Now, at half past two, she was stumbling through the darkened alleyways of London because she was too soused to apparate safely home. Until she'd bumped into this jack-off. Bloody Yank.

"Whoa, there. You might want to rest here for a bit." Big strong hands supported her sagging body. She smacked at him, even though the feel of his hands felt rather nice.

"I'm prefectly capa- don't tell me. Bugger it, I'm a big girl and I can walk if - geroff, you bum sucker!" Tonks slapped at him, well at one of him. There seemed to be three at the moment.

"Not that I don't think you capable of the act of walking, but you can barely stand up straight for two seconds." He said as she started to slid down again.

"I've functioning leggers. I can manhandle it." Tonks slurred, squinting her eyes. Oh, he wasn't half bad looking. Bugger it, she wasn't looking for a hot shag.

"You can't even talk straight. You know those friends you use as a gage to see if you've drunk too much? Well, sweetheart tonight you are that friend."

"Bugger off, assinate." Tonks jerked her hand out, slapping at his chest. Ooh, he had a nice firm man boob. "Nice man boob."

"C'mon, let's see if we can get some coffee in you."

"Not 'posed to give a drunk caffe - that stimu thing. Makes em angry and bouncy." Tonks giggled.

"I think I'll risk it."

"I think I'll rent it." Tonks laughed at her own joke.  
"I'm Robin Wood."

"Wood! I know 'im, he's a keeper."

"And you would be?"

"Tonks. Nymphan-bloody-dora Tonks. Call me Tonks." She hiccupped, which led to another laughing jag.

Robin stared at this insanely drunk girl. When was he gonna stop trying to save all the party girls?


	36. Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps

Title: Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer: I don't own Lindsey or Bellatrix. Joss and J.K. Rowlings owns them. I don't own the title either, Cake does.

FfA Pairing: #773 Lindsey / Bellatrix (HP)

A/N: Set after book 5, but before Lindsey leaves Wolfram & Hart and the whole Darla thing.

__

Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps

Lindsey McDonald tapped the file with his fingers. This was a test he needed to pass, especially after the whole Angel fiasco. He needed to prove his worth, and by doing that he had to obtain the perfect client. This woman with flowing black hair, a permanently crazed looking face, and soulless black eyes was his ticket to getting the big player in her world.

"Mrs. Lestrange, I can assure you Wolfram & Hart have your best interests at heat." He gave her a charming smile. "Or at whatever substitutes as a heart."

"You speak to me as if I am a stupid child, muggle. When it is clear that you are out of your league." Bellatrix bristled, her hands flexing around the smooth metal of the chair.

"Yes, we know you are a great witch. What interests us is your employer."

"The Dark Lord is my master, not my employer." Bellatrix sneered.

"And you're not being rewarded for your long years of sacrifice for your Dark Lord?" Lindsey sat on the edge of the conference table.

"That is none of your concern, muggle."

"Mrs. Lestrange, we're willing to work with you if you're willing to work with us."

"When I am free of you, you will know the pain of a dying man." Bellatrix hissed, her voice thick with acid as she tugged on the bars. "I assure you it will be long and quite painful."

Lindsey sighed and pushed the button on the table. Bellatrix recoiled, but didn't scream as she had the first time.

"If you could reassure the Senior partners, I'm sure we'd have let you out of the cage before now, Bellatrix." He was going to have to start all over again.


	37. Unloved

Title: Unloved

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer: I don't own or . Joss and owns them. I don't own the title either, Jann Arden does.

FfA Pairing: #730 Faith / Abe Sapiens (Hellboy)

A/N: This is what having your wmp set on All Music and on random gets you, weird ideas. Also, I've never read the Hellboy comic but I have seen the movie. So semi-spoilers for that.

__

Unloved

Whisper to me sweetly now and tell me I will  
Never die  
Unloved...unloved...unloved...unloved

Faith felt her body slam into the brick wall. The big red guy packed a solid punch. She grimaced as she felt the muscles tighten painfully as she pushed herself up. Reports of this 'Hellboy' had been circulating for years, but before she'd found out she was the slayer she'd never believed he'd really existed.

It had been the one thing she'd always wished were real when she was a kid, and now here she was getting her ass kicked and the big red man himself wasn't helping matters. One little turn down an alleyway in New York only to find herself up against a big bad ugly demon.

Next thing she knew, she was hurled backwards as Big Red threw himself into the mix. She felt a hot, stabbing pain in her abdomen that felt twenty times worse then when B had stabbed her. She looked up in disbelief at the large snarling demon as it retracted it's claw from her. She felt the blood spurt from her stomach. Clapping a hand to the wound, she pulled the stake from her pocket and slammed it into the demon's forehead.

The scaly demon collapsed to the ground, helped by the fact that Hellboy had yanked it backwards. Faith watched the fight for a second, but the demon was half dead anyway. Her vision blurred as she hit the ground.

Hellboy flipped the demon over to get a good look at it's face. His mouth dropped open a bit to see a wooden stake driven through it's skull. He hadn't done that. And that girl couldn't have . . .where was she anyway?

"Red, Come in Red." Liz's voice crackled over the radio.

"Comin' in loud and clear, _Sparky_."

"Did you get it?"

"Of course I . . .aw Hell!" He yelled, catching sight of the woman in a small pool of her own blood.

"Red? What's wrong?" Myers' voice asked worriedly.

"Get a unit, a girl's been hurt."  
"A girl?"

"Yeah, she's losing a lot of blood, so move your ass." Hellboy turned his attention back to the girl. "Hey, can you hear me?"

"B?" She murmured before blacking out.

"Myers! Get here quicker!"

Faith couldn't seem to keep her eyes open. It scared her. She might not make it this time. There might not be a happy coma for her to slip into. A lot of images flashed through her mind. B, Red, Xan, Giles, Dawn - Robin. Robin's death. Her mother's death, her watcher's death, the mayor's death, more battles and more deaths than she could count. One thing kept playing in her mind. No one loved her, she was still the outsider. She would die alone, forgotten and unloved. Then there was an image of a big blue blob, a calming voice inside her head telling her that she wouldn't die that way. Three days later she opened her eyes again.

"Faith Amelia Stevenson. Boston 83. Only child of Anna Stevenson, died of cancer in 1996, cared for by Jennifer Grace for two years until her murder in the fall of 1998. She then made her way from Boston to Sunnydale." Abe Sapien said, his hand on top of the comatose woman.

"The escaped Californian murderess. Linked to the occult - " Tom Manning, the director of the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense boomed, throwing page after page down on the table.

"Slayer." Abe cocked his head at the first signs of movement. "Into every generation. . . and the Council watches them. But then there were two."

Manning shut up quickly. His mouth opened once - twice. Straightening his tie, he quickly gathered up all of the papers and shoved them back into the file folder. HB, Liz, and Myers all looked at him. This Council had to be pretty big for it to get Manning to shut up. Faith's eyes blinked open. She groaned loudly.

"Sounds like someone's playin my song." She glanced up at Abe, then over at the four other people in the room. "Blue. Red. You three Yellow, Pink and Black?"

"What was that?" Manning asked.

"Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. Pop culture reference." Abe and Faith said at the same time. Faith stared at him for a second.

"Mind reader?" She asked.

"It's better than being called Fish guy." Abe replied.

"Knew a guy once who thought he was a mind reader."

"He died."

"Yeah. So where the hell am I?"

"What the Hell are you?"

"Me? I'm Faith - a vampire slayer. I'm guessin' you're a demon, Hellboy? And from the looks of this I'm gonna say it's a Government facility."

"It is."

"Part of the Initiative?" Manning blanched at this.

"That's real?"

"Was when I slept with B's boyfriend." Faith grinned, Finn had been an ok guy. She remembered B re-introducing them last summer after they left L.A. to find more slayers.

"Riley and Samantha Finn." Abe supplied.

"The Finns . . .they work for one of our field offices." Manning muttered.

"That'd be em." Faith grimaced as a sharp pain throbbed through her abdomen. Blue blinked his big fish-like eyes at her.

"You should rest."

"How long I been out?"

"Not quite as long as last time. Just three days."

"Call Rupert Giles - tell him I ain't dead." Faith murmured, leaning back.

The room had nearly cleared out by the time she was comfortable. Blue went to the door with the rest of them.

"Hey, Blue!" She called.

"It's Abe Sapien." He replied to her unasked question.

"You gonna be here when I wake up, Abe?" She asked, remembering the blue shape telling her she was loved, and she wouldn't die that way.

"Yes." He smiled, closing the door behind him. Faith smiled as she drifted off to sleep.


	38. Make All Things New

Title: Make All Things New

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Not mine, Joss & Bruckheimer own all. I own nothing

Pairing: FfA #1510 Dawn/Galahad

Summary: Sometimes, you shouldn't mess with weird things.

**__**

Make All Things New

"Giles, what is this?" Dawn Summers called, as she peered down at the large shield-like object in the middle of the conference table.

Rupert Giles had summoned the Scoobies in for an emergency meeting over something. She couldn't really remember what he'd said it was over the phone. She was the first of them to arrive at the Council Headquarters, because she was here getting ready for the fall semester of classes. Buffy was in Rome, Xander was in Africa, and she thought Willow was in Tibet looking for Oz.

"Don't touch it. There is an uncertain inscription on it, and it is very rare. We only hae it on loan." The older watcher said, cleaning his glasses as he paused in his search of the text he was looking for.

"You know Giles, this 'let's not trust Dawn with the rare items because she might break it' routine is getting pretty old." Dawn replied, taking a dark black crystal that Giles had set next to the shield. Juggling it in her hand, she watched as he got more and more irritated. "See? I'm a big girl and I -"

The crystal slipped from her fingers. It hit the wooden floor with a dull crack. Giles' jaw twitched as he bent to pick up the two halves of the broken stone.

"Yes, I can see that you should be trusted with the shield." Giles said sarcastically.

"Was it ours or theirs?" Dawn asked sheepishly.

"Ours, luckily. Unfortunately, it was the bloody key to the shield and is at least sixteen hundred years old." Giles snapped as he bent to pick up the shards of the crystal.

"Giles, how was I to know?" Dawn argued

"Well, I told you not to touch the shield, perhaps that was a warning not to touch the stone as well?" Giles retorted. He peered down at the crystal shard in his palm. Tucked in the folds of the crystal was a piece of parchment. "Dawn, stay here for a moment."

Dawn watched as he went into his study. Feeling bad about the crystal, Dawn was determined to not go anywhere near the shield. That lasted all of three seconds. She peered down at the shield. There was an odd jumble of words engraved on it, but they looked newer than the shield itself. They were old, just not as old as the shield itself.

Whatever it was, it was engraved three times. The top layer was in a language that looked Scythian. The second layer was Celtic, and the third was Latin. Dawn traced her fingers over the worn lettering. Her middle finger suddenly burned, and Dawn could see a fire-ridden battlefield before her for just a second. The room was thick with a heavy, musty smell that hadn't been there a moment ago. Dawn's head spun as she braced her hands on the table. She watched as the shield seemed to ripple, the words blurring together until they formed new words in English. She squinted as she began to read.

"Of honor and courage none nobler than he, Of virtue and strength Galahad be." Her voice was rough, not really hers as she spoke.

The air crackled, the air in the room becoming a bright glowing green. Dawn felt her chest tighten as images swarmed through her head. A small, brown haired boy running through the tall grass as he watched the soldiers come to take away his village's boys. She saw the tears of anger that streaked down his chubby cheeks as he was lifted into the cart and reached back for his mother's hand. Saw a bow win over his young heart, and horse. Drinking, knife throwing contests, fights, drunken songs, battles. Songs from home, sung by a beautiful woman with a baby in her arms. The boy grew. His legs, his arms, his muscles, his hair. He grew a shaggy beard and mustache. Watched as his friends died, watched as he died. Her lungs burned, and the glow of the room got brighter and brighter.

"Dawn!" Giles yelled, yanking her back from the table. She gasped for breath as he moved her toward his study.

There was one final cracking noise, and a dull thud. Dawn jerked her head around, her breath ragged as her eyes trailed over the naked flesh of the man she had seen in her visions. He shivered. Dawn broke away from Giles, snatching the throw that was on a nearby sofa. It was on him just as he turned to face her.

His eyes were wild with fear, anger, uncertainty, and he grasped her roughly by the shoulders. Dawn clamped her teeth together to stop the hiss of pain at his overzealous grasp. She gently pried his fingers from her arms, cooing softly to him as if he were an injured puppy.

"Shh, Galahad, it's just a bad memory." She said softly, brushing the damp locks of hair from his eyes. "You're safe here. There are no Romans here."

"Dawn -"

"Giles, be quiet." Dawn snapped, turning her attention back to the man on the floor.

"I - I saw you in a dream." Galahad said roughly. "You're not real, I'll wake up on that accursed island alone again."

"No." Dawn said forcefully. "You're home, you're safe."

Galahad cupped her cheek in his hand, running his thumb over the soft skin there. He smiled, and as if in a trance slowly pulled her lower. He hadn't the strength to do more than brush his lips against hers before he passed out. Dawn cradled his head in her lap, a little scared and a little uncertain about what was going on.

"Giles, what were you going to say?" She said roughly.

"You touched the shield, I take it?" Giles demanded.

"Not on purpose. Why - why did he come out of the shield?"

"He didn't."

"Huh?" Her head snapped off, finally pulling her eyes off of the man.

"And the one who is no more than a child shall rend the taint and make all pure again." Giles said heavily.

Dawn sat there in silence, staring down at the man in her arms. Did she really have the power to make all pure again?

"Giles, why is my sister sitting on the floor with a naked guy in her lap?" Buffy demanded from the doorway.

"Dawnie - with a naked guy?" Xander's jaw dropped. "Geez, Dawnie cover up the Full Monty there!" He yelped, looking away.

"Buffy, I can explain - well, sort of." Dawn started to say.


	39. You're a What?

Title: You're a What?

Series: Winter Tidings

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or Power Rangers DinoThunder

Summary: Willow just met a very interesting high school teacher.

Pairing: FfA# 1704 Willow/Dr. Tommy Oliver (Power Rangers DinoThunder)

Note: I so blame Power Rangers Generations for this one. (I have also never seen DinoThunder, as my nephew stopped watching the show when Time Force was wrapping up - I'm just using Tommy.)

You're a What?

Willow clutched the stack of papers in her arms as she made her way down the hallway. Reefside High reminded her a lot of Sunnydale High. She smiled at the students who passed her, anxious to find the computer lab that would be solely hers. She must not have been paying attention because next the thing she knew she was face to chest with a tall spiky-haired man.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I should have been looking and I'm not, and well -" She started babbling. And none of the Scoobies were there to stop her.

"Hey, it's ok." He smiled at her. She felt herself blush. "I'm Tommy Oliver."

"You're a student? Wow." Willow blinked. Tommy chuckled.

"No, _Dr._ Tommy Oliver. I teach science here."

"Oh, cuz I was gonna say you look really old for a student. Not that you're _old_ old, but you're _older_ looking than the rest of the teenyboppers. And I'm babbling."

"Nice to meet you, Babbling." Tommy grinned.

"What? No, I'm Willow Rosenberg. I'm here to teach computer sciences."

"The computer lab's right over this way." Tommy said, leading her down the hall. "So have you been teaching long?"

"No. Well, not really. I taught this class my junior year in high school." When he stared at her with a look of awe, she blushed. "I, well I was only filling in. Our teacher got killed so someone had to take over, and the school board was really cheap and they didn't want to hire someone new, so I kinda sorta got a mandatory volunteer position from my principal. But it was only for the end of the semester and there were detailed lesson plans at my disposal, Miss Calendar already had them done up." Willow paused to take a breath.

"Willow, may I call you Willow?" Tommy asked.

"Uh-huh." Willow said weakly.

"Take a deep breath. It's okay, you don't have to explain." Tommy grinned. "I bet you're good at programming and stuff like that, right?"

"Yeah. . " She said slowly.

"Then you're going to really hit it off with Ethan."

"Ethan?"

"Ethan James, he's one of my students. He's completely into all of that kind of stuff." He said as they turned into the computer lab.

"Hey, Dr. Oliver. I was just coming to see you about the Dino -" Ethan started, not seeing the red-head behind him. "The dinosaur project, for Biology. You know, that _blue_ and _black_ one we were talking about earlier."

"Ethan, this is the new computer sciences teacher, Ms. Rosenberg." Tommy said pointedly, before grinning again.

"Blue and black? I don't think I've heard of a blue and black dinosaur." Willow said, noticing that Ethan and Tommy had the same looks the Scoobies and Giles used to get when they were talking about vampires and demons in public. Something smelled fishy.

"Do you smell that?" Ethan said, covering his nose.

"Eew, it smells like rotting fish." Willow said crinkling her nose up.

That was when the horrified screaming started. Outside Reefside High, students were being turned into fish by - a huge fish-like demon? Willow groaned as she was tugged down one of the hallways by Tommy and Ethan. She'd tried to ask Tommy if this happened a lot but when she'd turned to ask him, both he and Ethan had mysteriously vanished. Oh yeah, like that wasn't just funky.

"What's going on?" Willow cried as she stopped a student who was running past her.

"A monster's attacking the city!"

"Great."

Willow stalked out the double doors. The fishy-looking demon stood over a group of teenagers who cowered against the building. Before he got the chance to try and turn them into fish, Willow sprang in front of them.

"Caerimonia, Minerva, saepio impedimentum." She muttered under her breath.

Whatever it tried hurl at them bounced off the protective shield the witch had cast. She glanced back at the students for just a second.

"Hey, get inside the building. Go, now!" Willow said through gritted teeth as she felt her power beginning to drain.

The terrified students nodded as they raced towards the building. Willow was running low, but the monster kept coming at her.

"That's what you get for sending a witch to do a slayer's job!" Willow groaned.

Just then, four figures dressed in bright shiny bodysuits raced up and started attacking the demon. Willow fell heavily to the ground. Blurs of red, blue, and yellow zipped past kicking and hitting it. Willow nearly screamed when the one dressed in black came up beside her.

"Are you all right?"

"Drained, but nifty." Willow joked. "Wait a second -"

"Black Ranger, we need some help over here." The yellow ranger yelled.

"You should get to safety." The Black Ranger said, before racing off to fight the demon.

Tommy raced into his classroom, hoping no one would notice his obvious departure. Sitting on his desk was the red-haired computer teacher. She smiled up at him.

"So, that monster attacking the city thing happen often around here?" Willow asked.

"It happens." Tommy shrugged.

"Do you always run off to fight the monsters, _black ranger_?" Willow hissed.

"I don't know, do you always throw up force fields?" Tommy shot back. "What are you exactly?"

"A witch, thank you very much."

"Those exist?"

"This coming from the guy who just battled a monster while wearing a very tight black costume?"

"You can't tell anyone."

"Please, I come from Sunnydale. We know how to keep secrets there." Willow rolled her eyes.

"Then I think this is going to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship." Tommy grinned.


	40. Silly Buffy

Title: Silly Buffy  
Author: Jmaria

Fandom: Animaniacs  
Challenge: #002

Pairing: FfA #1705 Buffy / Mindy/Buttons (Animaniacs)  
Notes: No clue where this one came from.

__

Silly Buffy

Life had been pretty decent to Buffy in the five years since the Hellmouth closed. She'd gone back to school, met a great guy, got married, got a dog, and had a baby. Buffy had gotten the house with the white picket fence. Life was pretty normal. She still fought evil, which took her away from her two year old daughter Mindy, but she trusted Buttons (the dog) to keep an eye on her. Today was one of those times. Dawn needed a weapon that Buffy had at the house.

"Mindy, sweetie, Mommy's gotta go take this to Auntie Dawn. Stay here and be a good girl, ok?" Buffy asked, bending down to talk to her.

"Ok, lady." Mindy chirped, going back to playing with her ball.

"Mindy, I'm not Lady, I'm Mom. Call me Mom." Buffy said, getting frustrated. The little girl just smiled as she looked up at her.

"Ok, lady, I love you. Bye-bye." Mindy giggled.

"Grr. Buttons, you keep an eye on Mindy, and don't let anything happen to her. Or else there's no dinner for you."

Buttons barked. Buffy knew he'd protect Mindy throughout her misadventures. He was a distant cousin of Clem's, after all.


	41. Something's Broken

Title: Something's Broken  
Series: Winter Tidings  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: Joss and JK own all - I own nothing.  
FfA pairing: # Illyria/Hagrid  
Summary: How do you explain something unknown to you?  
A/N: Although I have finished reading HBP, this story does _not_ reflect it and is based solely on the events happening up through OotP, not HBP.

**__**

Something's Broken

"I believe I am broken."

They were odd words to hear anyone say, but coming from the blue skinned young woman who sat stiffly at his fireplace they were even odder to Rubeus Hagrid. He looked up at her and smiled.

"Broken? You? Nah, hardly reckon they could break you. Them there demons were puny sized compared to - well, to me fer on." The half-giant said grinning, as he lit his pipe to his lips.

"I do not speak of the half-breeds. They are by design inferior." Illyria bent her head low, her blue eyes intent on the flame. "I feel . . . disjointed, more so now than before. More than I did at the loss of my army."

Hagrid thought he would hear another name than her army. He watched her from the corner of his eye. She looked a little like Tonks in a way, and one would probably mistake her for being a punked out friend - if not close relative - of the young Metamorphmagus. Tonks had taken a liking to the young woman beside him, finding her wicked looking, and had for a day or two, even adopted the long blue-streaked hair that Illyria had over her infamous bubblegum pink hair.

Illyria was not the same woman she had been two weeks ago, much less the same woman she had been nearly a year ago for that matter. She had been Winifred Burkle, or so her companions had said, and Illyria had literally infected the young scientist and destroyed her soul in the process of regaining a mortal body. Of course, Hagrid had just recently learned of this. He rubbed his jaw tenderly, remembering how she had arrived.

It had been raining something fierce, and she'd had three companions. One was a young man of not more than twenty-two, who reminded him faintly of one of his students, and who also was mortally wounded with less than fifteen minutes to live if his wounds were not treated immediately. Her other two companions were vampires, both males, and apparently both who had met Albus Dumbledore in their pasts. The blonde had been reported to have said, "Poof, it's bloody Obi-Wan Kenobi! Little bugger, . . ." before hitting the floor in a full body-bind, thrown by Minerva McGonagall. The young Muggle man had been rushed into Poppy's care, and the two vampires, while considered tame, were escorted to the dungeons. As if Malfoy wouldn't go harping onto the board of governors that dangerous vampires were being held so close to the students. Hagrid paused on that strain of thought, Lucius was in prison, so Draco had no one with any influence to go running to anymore. He smiled a bit at that thought. With her companions in relatively safe keeping, the demon king (as she called herself) strode out of the castle and headed towards the forest to find the firs thing to fight, saying she wished to do more damage.

And went looking for the biggest non-human thing to fight. To which Hagrid thanked his lucky stars that she found him and not Grawp. He'd mistaken her for Tonks at first, from a distance. Who else but the young Auror would have had hair like that? Her face was liberally streaked with tears and rain, and the fight had lasted all of fifteen minutes before exhaustion seemed to overcome her. Hagrid had walked away with a black eye, sore jaw, and a few bruised ribs. He'd scooped her up off the ground, as sore as he was and took her inside his hut, using a bit of unicorn hair he had lying about to bandage her wounds that she hadn't let anyone look at. She looked so fragile then, and she now wore a thin mask that reminded him that she _was_ that fragile even if she didn't think so.

"What on ye feels broken, then? Yer hands? Yer arms, legs? What?" he said in a gruff voice. He didn't look her in the eyes, hoping that she'd say something, when she didn't, he went on. "Cor, if it's worse than that you better head straight up to Poppy. Ye know I can't fix that sort of stuff. Ain't a healer, now am I?"

Illyria watched him with a stony look. She didn't want to say what felt broken, tough. She wanted his help, she was gonna have to ask - although had it been any other creature, he certainly wouldn't have given them any choice at all. But when she was spoke, he was a little surprised.

"I feel broken here." Illyria pointed a hand to her breast, and Hagrid felt himself blush a little. "The shell's heart - my heart is weak and mortal still, I believe. It is making me broken and weak."

Hagrid didn't say anything, knowing full well that her _shell's_ love had been killed in the battle that had so wounded her companions and herself. And as far as they knew, even though she often called Spike her amusing pet, Wesley had been her only real connection to this world and her allegiance to his friends and grief at his death were only two of the reasons she had remained at their sides finding a safe haven for them to recover.

"Heartsickness, tends to be deadly in a few cases, maybe your shell's heart was infected." he shrugged, "Cor, could also be that you lost one of your own, and nearly lost a second."

"Wesley is gone, Charles remains weakened." she acknowledged that fact at least. "Does this sickness kill often?"  
"Not that often. But from the way some act, you'd think it did." He blushed a little, remembering how he himself had acted when he'd had to let go of Aragog, Norbert, and Buckbeak, and a little even over Madame Maxime. "And yer not _really_ broken. Bein' heartsick don't kill yeh. It helps to make you a bit stronger coming out than you were goin' in." Hagrid couldn't help thinking of Harry and of what the teen had gone through in his life.

Illyria didn't say anything for a long time, and he half wondered if she would. She stared blankly at the fire, and he barely heard the words she spoke.

"Is there anything in this life but grief?" she murmured quietly. She looked at him expectantly. "In the end he preferred the lie to the truth. Before that he wanted only the stark truth."

She blurred a bit, no longer blue tinged, but in her stead sat a pretty little woman with curling brown hair in a skirt and loose blouse. She looked at him and smiled sadly.

"Wesley, my love, saw me when he died. Not Illyria." The smile faltered. "I told him we'd be together, but how can we when I don't have a soul to join his? I am broken."

In half an instant, she was Illyria again. He half swore her eyes dared him to say otherwise.

"Never did care for them that pretended to be what they weren't. Doubt I'd like your Fred half as much I like you." Hagrid sighed. "And as to yer first question, is that yes, there's love. That's better than grief, it gets ye through the hardest of times. But there's friendship, warm Firewhiskey, broods of different animals to show people, appreciate the beauty in what you see. And there's family ye never knew ye had, finding them."

"It is not in finding one woman or man who gives you love?" she asked quietly.

"Sometimes, but not always. I've never found the one fer me, and I don't live a life shrouded in bloody grief."

Illyria didn't speak again, but merely slept in the chair beside his fire. Hagrid sighed heavily, staring down at the woman. He half expected her to say she was still broken. When she continued to sleep, Hagrid pulled his big heavy blanket over her and brushed a blue tinged bit of hair from her face. He imagined she looked a bit more peaceful than she had earlier, and placed a tiny kiss on her forehead. Then he shrugged on his heaviest coat, popped open his umbrella and headed out the door. Dumbledore had wanted him to go fetch the souled vampire Angel's son and deliver an letter to the Council.

Illyria's eyes snapped open the second she was sure she was alone with the creature he called Fang to protect her. Her hand went slowly to her forehead. She spoke to the silence, in a voice that sounded a bit too much like her shell's for her taste.

"I still feel a little bit broken."


	42. Flying Lesson

Title: Flying Lesson  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: PG  
Crossover: Harry Potter  
Wordcount: 100

Challenge: #021 - starting school

A/N: Also, ffa pairing #1070 Andrew / Madam Hooch (HP)

__

Flying Lesson

"GET OFF THAT BROOM NOW!" Madam Hooch yelled at the top of her lungs.

The first years winced at the yell, and all turned to stare at the offender. The broom spun around about five feet off the ground.

"I CAN'T!" He cried, spinning faster and faster.

There was a disgusted sigh from behind the first years, and a short blond woman marched forward. She yanked the broom handle down, jarring the rider from it. He grinned up sheepishly. Madam Hooch took the broom from the woman.

"Mr. Wells, if you can't follow simple directions, you'll never ride this again!"


	43. Librarian

Title: Librarian  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: PG  
Crossover: Ginger Snaps  
Wordcount: 200

Challenge: #021 - starting school

A/N: ffa # 819 - Connor/Brigitte (Ginger Snaps)

__

Librarian

Brigitte poured over the books on the study table. There had to be some kind of cure for this. This library was eerily well stocked even for a college library. A young man approached the table, his arms filled with books she'd asked for. His hair hung in his eyes a bit.

"So, you're into the occult?" Connor asked.

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Well, for one, there's no cure for your disease. And two, you're lucky I can help."

"Who are you?" Brigitte asked.

"Connor Angel, those are the reference books he got for his girlfriend. She's a werewolf too."

"I'm not -"

"Please, I can smell it on you. You haven't been one long."

"You're too calm to be talking about your dad having a werewolf girlfriend."

"Well, she's not my first choice for who he should be with, but she's dead. Long story. Look, if you need any more help, call this number."

He handed her a Wolfram & Hart business card. On the back, he'd scribbled his dorm number and _We Help the Hopeless_. He started to walk away.

"Wait!"

"What?"

"One, you left your books, and two, you don't know my name."

"What is it?"

"Brigitte."


	44. Gloater

Title: Gloater  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: PG  
Crossover: Hocus Pocus  
Wordcount: 100

Challenge: #021 - starting school

A/N: Pop exams are fun too.

__

Gloater

Amy was contemplating killing the guy next to her. She wished she wasn't low on power, that she'd studied instead of clubbing, and that the jerk next to her wasn't rubbing his A in her face .

"If you'd met me for study session, you'd have gotten an A too," he said with a slight lisp.

"Yeah, but you'd have been toast within ten minutes." Amy sneered.

"Oh, gonna hurt me with your Wiccan powers? You don't scare me," Ernie boasted. "I've had three old ugly chicks try to suck the life out of me. You're a piece of cake."


	45. Not Enough

Title: Not Enough  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: Joss and George own all . . .I own jack and squat.  
Spoilers: Season 6, Episode III  
Summary: Some times, what is not enough must be used to get through.  
Pairing: FfA #1794 Dawn / Padmé Amidala

**__**

Not Enough

Nothing she said or did could bring him back to her. She had lost him when she needed him the most. It was too much, and yet not enough. Padmé closed her eyes. Her Ani was still a good man, but he had gone down a dark path that she could not follow. It hurt to breathe, more than it had when she had hidden her love for him, when she had confessed her love to him.

A slip of a girl, moved around the medical bay, doing her best to be a soothing presence. She was in reality, far older than the woman who was beside her struggling to give her child life.

"Padmé, you have to be strong. You have to live for your child, it can't survive on it's own," the girl's long braid fell over her shoulder, obscuring her face from the Jedi who watched over the Senator.

"Ani . . ." Padmé whispered through dry, cracked lips.

"No, you have to be strong for your child -"

"Children," the medical droid corrected.

"Go tell them of the situation," the woman snapped at the droid.

"Yes, milady."

Dawn Summers leaned over Padmé, trying to focus her energy into healing the woman. All these years, countless eons of existence had given her time to learn her gifts, her key-ness, or as Xander would have called it, her potential. She hadn't aged much since her seventeenth birthday. It was a lonely life, and she didn't like to make many connections, but now for the first time in years she felt herself drawn to this woman.

"You have to fight, Padmé. You have to hold on, you have to live. Why is it every strong woman I've ever met goes to pieces when a guy dumps them, it never fails!" the last bit of her remarks were not intended to reach anyone's ears.

"He did not dump her, Milady. He has turned to the dark side," the Jedi said softly from beside her. "She is dieing of a broken heart."

"Still, loverboy going all homicidal is not a valid reason for her to give up on life," Dawn snapped, taking her frustration out on him. She sent out soothing thoughts to the woman, the droid telling her it was nearly time to deliver the twins.

"A girl . . .Leia. A boy. . . Luke," Padmé said brokenly, tears swelling in her eyes as the first twin came out.

Dawn could feel her slipping, the second baby quickly followed. She squeezed Padmé's hand in hers.

"Padmé, the hardest thing to do in this world is to live in it. You _must_ conquer your pain and raise these babies. You have to live for your children!" Tears clouded her eyes as she tried to convince the woman that there was something worth living for. Padmé ignored her, her eyes locking on Obi-Wan's.

"Obi-Wan... there... is good in him. I know there is... still..." With that, she slipped away.

"No, dammit!" Dawn said harshly.

"The children will be safer this way, He would come after them if she lived," Obi-Wan said quietly, "She knew that."

"So it's okay for her to just give up on life? In all these thousands of millions of years worth of knowledge and growth, the races still believe it's okay to give up, to not fight? Your ancestors would be ashamed."

"It is for the best."

"My ass it is." The fire was slipping from her voice, a cold ache filling her chest numbing her to all of the sensations she had felt vibrating she had felt from the now dead woman. "Peace does not come to those who idly wait."

"Nor does it come from a reign of terror," Obi-Wan said quietly.

Dawn cradled the little baby girl in her arms. Her eyes blinked open gently. Dawn smiled at her and her brother. Luke and Leia. She slid her gaze over to the Jedi who stood beside her.

"They will fight, they will live for her."


	46. Assessing the Situation

Title: Assessing the Situation  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: Someone else owns all . . .I own jack and squat.  
Spoilers: Season 6, er, general stuff.  
Summary: Some guys just can't take a hint.  
Pairing: FfA #1156 Buffy / Tony Dinozzo (NCIS)  
A/N: Haven't watched every episode (got addicted during the summer), so the characters might be a bit OOC

**__**

Assessing the Situation

Buffy didn't feel particularly ecstatic to be in the NCIS headquarters, but Riley had contacted her with the problem, and well, she was a sucker for helping out her ex. How do you explain to an gung-ho former Marine that one of your junior slayers hadn't killed an officer, but a vampire that was wearing it's face? She actually respected Gibbs. He was a decent and not-yet-corrupt-kinda officer just looking for answers. The rest of the team, Kate, Ducky, Abby, even McGee were good people too.

However, there's always one person who ruins it for everyone. Right now, it was the hornier-than-thou DiNozzo, who was writhing in pain beneath her. Kate and McGee were trying not to laugh (McGee more than Kate).

"OW!"

"Have you learned your lesson, mister grabby-hands?" Buffy asked in a sweet little innocent voice. "Are you ready to apologize?"

"Yes, if it gets you off of me?"

"Oh, please, two seconds ago you were all over me."

"What's going on here?" Gibbs demanded, turning to McGee. "Coffee, McGee."

"Right on it."

"Somebody better start talking."

"Tony tried to grope Ms. Summers, and well. . ." Kate said, trying to suppress the grin on her face.

"I took offence."

"I did not try to _grope _her. There was a spot of . . .dirt and I was trying to get it off for her."

"Yeah, sure." Buffy and Kate rolled their eyes at the same time.

"Ms. Summers, if you wouldn't mind waiting for me in the conference room? Kate?"

"No problem, G-man." Buffy grinned, letting go of Tony's arm.

"Sure, Gibbs."

He sagged back in his chair as Kate led Buffy out of the room. Gibbs reached over and smacked upside the head. Tony yelped.

"What was that for?"

"What got in your pea-brained head to put the moves on a witness?" Gibbs demanded. He glared at Tony, "How the hell did you survive basic training?"


	47. I Find You Irksome

Title: I Find You Irksome  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: . . .I own jack and squat.  
Spoilers: Season 5, all of Firefly  
Summary: Some guys just can't take a hint.  
Pairing: FfA #1800 Illyria / Simon Tam (Firefly)  
A/N: Don't ask, not sure I could answer if I wanted too.

**__**

I Find You Irksome

Simon really hadn't been thinking. River had gone on and on about 'two by two, hands of blue', and then Mal brings a blue skinned woman on board. He remember yanking Jayne's gun Vera from the thugs hands, and doing one of his flying leaps off the stairs.

He shoved the gun in her face, and the next thing he knew, he was flat on his back with her boot on his throat. Jayne was standing over him with Vera cradled in his arms like a baby, Mal was yelling at the woman's companions, and his baby sister was laughing. The blue woman glared down at him, contempt clearly visible in her eyes.

"I find you irksome and insignificant. I do not crush those that are beneath me," she paused. "Not anymore."

"And that would be Illyria. She's a mite touchy, so you might want to tell heroics boy there to keep his gun in his pants," a blond man said laughing.

"Spike, knock it off."

"That heroics boy as you called him, is our doctor. He's easily excited."

"Let's hope his bedside manner's are a bit nicer," Spike replied.


	48. You Think You Know

Title: You Think You Know  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: Joss and Alice Hoffman and who ever made the movie own it . . .I own jack and squat.  
Spoilers: Season 7, the movie  
Summary: Some people are open books, but you'd be shocked to see what's inside.  
Pairing: FfA # 371 Giles / Gillian Owens (Practical Magic)

A/N: Yeah. . .fun.

**__**

You Think You Know

Gillian Owens could spot dull men a mile away. She like the wild boys, the bad boys. This - sweater and khakis man was as dull as white toast. He was predictable, sensible, adult. Definitely not her type. But the Aunts, Sally, Gary, and even her nieces seemed to think this guy was destined to be hers. She didn't thinks so.

"Ms. Owens, a word if you will?" Well, he had a nice accent. That was always a bonus.

"I haven't got a lot of time, my plane leaves in an hour."

"Yes, Jet told me as much."

"Well, Auntie Jet has a big mouth."

"Have I done something to offend you, Ms. Owens?"

"Yes. Your very dull presence annoys me. My aunts want to play matchmaker and get me all settled down with a 'nice' man, and you seem to be the grand prize winner," Gillian snapped. "I'm not like Sally, I can't just set roots down and -"

"Ms. Owens, I assure you, your Aunts wouldn't pick me for you," Rupert Giles said calmly.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Giles, but I think I know my aunts a little better than you do. You're dull, predictable, probably come from money -"

"Ms. Owens, you flatter me. Please stop," he said it so dryly that Gillian had to blink. "As I was saying before you started singing my praises, your Aunts have disliked me since I met as a teen."

"What?"

"Ask them to tell you about arrogant Ripper one day," Giles sighed. "What I came to ask you was if you'd be interested in taking a position in the new Coven."

"What?"


	49. In Your Eyes

Title: In Your Eyes  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I Don't Own Them.  
Summary: I can see it there, it's so clear when I look into your eyes.  
Pairing: Ffa #1678 Anne / Jarod (Pretender)  
A/N: Um, been a real long time since I've seen Pretender, so he's gonna be OOC most likely.

**__**

In Your Eyes

"It's all there in your eyes, you know," the blond haired woman said, smiling softly.

"What's there?"

"That this - you being here, it's only temporary. Tomorrow you'll be someone different, helping other people and being what they need. The temporary fix."

"Is that what you are, Anne?"

"No, it's what I used to be. I used to be a pretender. I couldn't even tell you what my real name was even if I wanted to. I've been so many different people, all with the same face. Until I stumbled on being Anne."

"How did that happen?" She wasn't used to the tall, dark and handsome man who wanted to hear her life story. There'd been no one like that since Ricky and Buffy.

"Anne was a brave woman who fought to keep kids like me safe. She saved my life more than once. She was someone I could look up to, someone I could emulate."

"And was it worth it? Giving up the pretend you?"

"Yeah. I've helped save lives if anything," she glanced at him with hooded eyes. "What's your story, Rick?"

"I have to make amends for my old life," Jarod said sighing.

"Don't we all."


	50. The Handbook

Title: The Handbook  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: PG  
Fandom: Hercules/Xena  
Disclaimer: I don't own them. I'm broke  
Challenge #16 - Books  
Word Count: 363  
Pairing: FfA #1828 Xander / Joxer/Iolaus (Herc/Xena) (friendship)  
A/N: It's been a while since I've seen either Herc or Xena.

**__**

The Handbook

In retrospect, he should have known better than to speak Latin in front of the books. How many times had Giles told him not to? But Xander was always a slow learner, and he'd read aloud in bad Latin in front of what he thought were Grecian texts.

The next thing he knew, two bodies were crashing to the floor of the New Watcher's Council's Library. And just his luck, they were both guys. One was a little stouter, with shaggy blond hair. The other was leaner with short brown hair. Xander blinked his remaining eye in surprise when the two men groaned.

"What happened?" The blond asked his companion. "Joxer, how did you get here?"

"Iolaus! My old sidekick!"

"I was never your sidekick, you buffoon."

"Where's the old Hercster?"

"Good question. Where's Xena and Gabrielle? I heard you were traveling with them now."

"Ah, my little Gaby," Joxer sighed. "She's been busy with some spiritual self discovery or something. I changed my theme song since I saw you and Herc last. Ya wanna here it?"

"No, that's okay. I'm good, really."

"He's Joxer the Mighty -" Joxer started singing until Iolaus clapped a hand over his mouth.

"Maybe later. Right now, we have to figure out where we are."

"Just ask the war veteran over there," Joxer said shrugging.

"The what -"

Sure enough, both of the men were looking at the slack-jawed man with one eye in confusion. Iolaus cringed at Joxer's callousness. Plastering on a jovial smile, he opened his hands in welcome.

"Hello there, friend. I'm Iolaus and this is Joxer. And you are?"

"Huh?" Xander said blankly.

"Do you know where we are, Huh?"

"What kind of name is Huh?" Joxer hissed.

"Shut up, Joxer."

"Huh?"

"Yes, you're Huh and I'm Iolaus and he's Joxer. Do You Know Where We Are?"

"Great, we found the village idiot," Joxer groaned.

"No, that'd be you."

"Hey!"

"Shut up, Joxer."  
"Hey, look it's my book!"

"You're what?"

"My book on the perfect kind of sidekick! I mentioned you a few times."

That was how Giles found them twenty minutes later. Xander was staring blankly at them and the two other men were bickering and hitting each other.

"What is going on here, Xander?"

"I don't know, it's all Greek to me."


	51. Hot Blooded

Title: Hot Blooded  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: PG-13 (lang)

Disclaimer: Not mine, sadly. I would like a Dean if I could have one.  
Spoilers: If you haven't seen Supernatural, then prepare to be spoiled.  
Summary: Disappearances, bad boys, classic rock, cool cars, and demons.  
Pairing: FfA #1805 Faith / Dean (Supernatural)  
A/N: Well, story fifty one done for the fic for all (in this collection alone) yay me. And as a serious side note, Fred is gonna be in a future ep. fangirl squee

**__**

Hot Blooded

Faith wouldn't have given him a second look if it weren't for his kick-ass biker boots. Nah, that wasn't true. He was like sex on a stick, and she didn't often dig blondes. The small Ohio bar wasn't a place she'd expect to see any humans in this bar. It was mainly a demon hang out. Like the populace of good ole Sunny-D, the folks here liked to pretend that the little pest control problem they had was just really bad rats. Rats that ate people and left 'em all corpsified and shit like that.

But still, sex on a stick and his little do-gooder lookin' buddy were way out of their league slumming it in a demon bar. Even the normal people in town knew to steer clear of this place. Which meant that they were either A. really new to town, B. really stupid, or C. part of the big ole happy brotherhood of demons. Her money was on C.

Faith knocked back the shot and popped her shoulders. Then plastering on her best good-girl look, sauntered on over to blondie.

"Hey there, boyos. Mind if I join you for a drink?" Faith said in a voice she probably wouldn't have used three years ago, Want, Take, Have, being her favorite of mottos back then.

"No." Goody-two-shoes said, at the same time as Sex-on-a stick said yes. "Dean."

"Shut up, Sam."

Faith noticed the vamps starting to look uneasy in the bar. Normally, she could spot a vamp a mile away. She just wasn't good at spotting stupid humans.

"Listen, boys, whadda ya say we blow this place, and you come home with me," Faith concentrated on - what did he say his name was? Dean?

"What? We're not interested."

"Hell yeah we are, little bro. I'm Dean."

"Faith."

"Nice name."

"Thanks, nice boots."

"Slayer, been too long." A new voice interrupted her get-away plans. She turned around to find herself face-to chest with the big boss vamp of the Ohio hellmouth.

"Lookee here, it's big bad Georgie Porgie. I'm so sick of you bastards thinking you own this place. The slayers are here, you're a goner, man," Faith grinned, slipping her stake into her hand. She gave him a right hook before dusting his two bodyguards. She grinned down at him. "You really want to take me here tonight, Georgie? Cuz you know you can't handle this shit."

Unfortunately for him, Georgie's ashes were already half-way out the door. She glared at the shadows of the bar, and then turned to the two men beside her. Dean had a gun pointed at one of the groups of demons, and Sam had picked up a bar stool.

"Well, look at Tonto and the Lone Ranger. You boys ready to follow me home, now?"

"What are you?" Dean demanded.

"Just a girl looking for a drink, and maybe a round or two in the sheets. Other than that, I'm five by five, yo."

"What?"

"You come with me, you get the whole story. Course, you gotta explain the concealeds and why you picked a demon bar to hang out in."

"What?" Sam snapped.

"You got booze there, slayer?" Dean grinned back at her.

"Some."

"Sounds like a deal."

"Good."

"I'll drive."


	52. Solidarity

Title: Solidarity  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimers: Not mine, Huff and Whedon own all  
Summary: Sisters in the universal sorority of world-saving get together to gripe about it.  
Pairing: FfA# 1923 Buffy / Claire Hansen (Keeper trilogy)

A/N: Yeah. . . it's been a while since I read the Keeper books.

_Solidarity_

"So you're telling me the mouth of hell is in southern California?" The Keeper asked skeptically, her words weighted carefully.

"Well, it was. The Hellmouth kinda imploded." The blonde shifted her weight to her other foot.

"The mouth of hell imploded? How did that happen?" Claire Hansen demanded. She didn't visit the West Coast all that often, and stuck mainly to the East, so she hadn't been up to speed on the situation there.

"Yeah, see there was this whole end-of-the-world situation. Lots of bad stuff," Buffy Summers explained.

"Cause I've never seen too many of _those_," The keeper groaned.

"I hear that."

"It's like the world can't keep itself together so I can have a normal, healthy relationship," Claire groaned.

"Hey, preachin' to the choir, here. I haven't had a real date in like, three years."

"My boyfriend almost got sucked into hell."

"Hazards of the job. I sent _Angel _into hell to keep the world safe."

"Well, Dean went voluntarily," Claire said sheepishly.

"Angel was a 200 plus year old vampire. And I hear he's seeing a werewolf."

"Huh?" Claire asked.

"Long, complicated story that I don't think I want to get into right now." Buffy sighed.

"Our lives kinda suck," Claire said grumpily.

"I've been noticing that."

"Coffee?"

"Ooh! Yes, please."


	53. You Must Believe Me

Title: You Must Believe Me  
Author: Jmaria  
rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: Not mine: Joss and J.R.R. own all. I just like to put them in funny postions and weird outfits and take blackmail pictures . . . er, hehe.  
Summary: My Lady, you must believe that I had no intention of . . . .  
Pairing: FfA #1117 Kate/Legolas  
A/N: I've read the LotR books - my freshman year in high school (which was roughly seven years ago), so we're sticking mainly to the movie verse.

__

You Must Believe

"Unhand me you foul temptress!" The bearded figure growled, his hands tightly behind his back in her strange and confounding manacles.

"Why do I always get the head cases," Detective Kate Lockley grumbled, her eyes locked on the stout man her partner was dragging over to her squad car. She glanced down at the tall, willowy figure she'd pinned to the ground. "You know, used to be that I got a call to check up on homicides and even a B&E, but now I get the 'sword-wielding' variety. What the hell did I do to deserve this?"  
"My lady, you must believe that we would have done you and your men no harm -"  
"Can the sob story, buddy. It's illegal to carry concealed weapons, even if you are here for some festival," Kate snapped.

He was good looking in an effeminate way, and Kate preferred her guys to be big and broad. Speak of the devil. Angel was sneaking through the police barricades.

"Kate, Cordy got a vision that -"

"He is unclean. The Valar have cast him from their sight," the blonde man struggled against the handcuffs.

" -that an elf and a dwarf crossed into this dimension. Chaos ensued."

"You know, Angel, I'm really beginning to hate the fact that I ever met you."

"Figured you'd say something like that."


	54. Corporate Evil

Title: Corporate Evil  
author: Jmaria

rating: PG

disclaimer: Not mine, Joss and whoever pretends to be Lemony Snicket owns them.  
pairing: FfA #1502 Eve / Klaus Baudelaire (A Series of Unfortunate Events)

Summary: She's got a lot of convincing to do, and he'd not really buying any of it.  
A/N: Don't know where this came from other than it was on the ffa list.

**__**

Corporate Evil

Eve watched the boy as he walked around Angel's office. The boss was out right now, and she was grateful for that. The girls were in a separate board room, and as far as Eve knew, none of Angel's people even knew the Baudelaire orphans were in the building. She smiled sympathetically at the boy.

"Klaus, we've heard about the unfortunate things that have befallen you and your siblings."

"And who are _you_?" he said guardedly.

"My name's Eve and I'm hear to help, no, _guide_ you and your siblings to safety."

"Why should I believe you?"

"Because I'm an adult."

"So is Count Olaf, and he's an evil psychopath."

"Olaf. . . "

"Yes, the _other _person who tried to kill me and my sisters in order to get his hands on our parents fortune."

"I know who he is!"  
"Eve, what's going on here?" Angel burst through the doors with the other Baudelaire children, and Eve felt her hopes sinking.

"Just trying to help the hopeless, boss."

"I'll believe that when hell freezes over," Angel and Klaus said at the same time.

"I like the way you think, kid."


	55. Speak Your Piece

Title: Speak Your Piece  
Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: Joss owns all.  
Summary: From the lips of one con artist to the ears of another . . .

challenge: #18--The Terrible, Horrible, Rotten, No Good Day.  
Words: 309

Pairing: FfA #92 Lilah / Saffron (Firefly)

A/N: I made up Saffron's last name.

**__**

Speak Your Piece

The fact that she was dead and had been for the past five hundred years didn't make having a gun shoved into her face any more pleasurable. Since Wolfram & Hart had put the pieces together to form Blue Sun and in turn, the Alliance - they'd seen fit to pull her eternally binding contract. Right now, her mission was to connect with a woman known as Saffron.

The red-head had last been seen in an rim planet. Lilah had made some contacts out there, but she was much more comfortable on the core planets. Of course, her comfort levels didn't really matter to the senior partners. If they said jump, she'd do it.

"Miss Saffron Burrows, I presume."

"You can presume all you want, lady. Only time I went by that name, I was in that bastard Mal Reynolds company. And I was Mrs. Reynolds."  
"Yes, my firm is quite aware of that," Lilah tried to keep her calm, but the woman was crying to be slapped.

"Your firm?"

"We've been keeping a close eye on you, Saffron. For your own safety, I recommend that you get this gun out of my face."

"Do you think you frighten me?" Saffron scoffed.

"I should."

Lilah ran a finger over the old scar on her throat. The senior partners had given her an option to disclose certain information to whomever she chose.

"See this? I got this for crossing certain boundaries. You are about to cross similar lines. Seeking revenge on Malcolm Reynolds is unwise at this juncture."

"How -"

"We know _everything_, Eliza Morgan."

"What -"

"Just trying to bring you into the family business."

There was a loud bang and Lilah was blinded for a moment. Damn ungrateful brat. Well, this day wasn't going as well as she'd hoped. She'd have to have a talk with her great-niece.


	56. No Stretch of the Imagination

Title: No Stretch of the Imagination  
author: Jmaria  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: Katims & Joss got the money from their babies. I get to play with them.

Summary: Kate's looking for employment far away from L.A. and all it's demons.  
pairing: FfA #901 Kate / Jim Valenti (RW)

**__**

No Stretch of the Imagination

Jim Valenti took a sip of his coffee. The sheriff of Roswell had a long day ahead of him, and dealing with an unlikely transfer from L.A. wasn't what he wanted to start his day with. With her previous work, she wasn't going to find Roswell half as exciting as L.A. Of course, there was her tendency to go after the more bizarre cases.

"What brings you to Roswell, Detective Lockley?"  
"Well, sir, I got tired of L.A. Needed a change," the blonde woman said tightly. _More like needed to get away from a certain brooding vampire_, she thought to herself.

"Roswell's a pretty quiet place. Not much worth giving up -"

"I like the quiet here. It's not like L.A."

"You were homicide, we don't get too many of those out here," Valenti squashed down the thoughts of the Evans siblings, Michael Guerin and Tess Harding and the odd deaths and accidents that seemed to plague them. Lockley was smart, she'd done her job well in L.A. Wouldn't take her long to figure out that something wasn't right with the four teens. "Roswell might be too quiet for you."

"Sir, I can take the quiet," Kate said quietly.

There was something about her that struck him as odd. Well, not odd as much as familiar. He'd read in her report that she hadn't been the same since the death of her father, that it had started a downward spiral for her.

Her father had also been an officer. Those would have been big shoes to fill, as he well knew himself. Maybe that was why she reminded him a bit of himself.

"There might be things in Roswell that won't keep it quiet. Just because we're not a big city doesn't mean we're a backwater podunk either."

"Sir, I never thought -" Kate's eyes gleamed with uncertainty.

"Which means I expect you to pull your weight, is that understood?"

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir."


	57. Worst Idea Ever

Title: Worst Idea Ever  
author: Jmaria  
rating: R-ish  
Disclaimer: Do I have the big bucks? No, I have no bucks. . . so I don't own them. Just so we're clear here.  
Summary: This idea might cost him his life.

pairing: FfA #719 Xander / Jill Valentine (Resident Evil)

A/N: As a Jill, I like how Valentine kicks ass. Nearly every Jill in any movie/book/tv show is either vapid, bitchy or whore-y. They get killed off, they try to do everything with two legs, or they're just plain stupid. Now, Valentine may have her bitchy/ho-y moments, but she's smart and kicks ass. End my rant. Set during Resident Evil: Apocalypse

_Worst Idea Ever_

Xander Harris had made a few bad choices in his life. His latest one might end up costing him his life. He'd been crossing the country looking for newly activated slayers on one of Willow's missions. One minute he was cruising along the freeway, and the next thing he knew he was pulling off into a decent sounding city by the name of Raccoon City to get some breakfast.

Then hell broke loose, and people were dieing, and the next thing he knew he was running away from flesh eating zombies. These weren't the devil-may-care rebel zombies he'd pretty much laid waste to in high school. Now he was being contacted by a mysterious man on one of these weird phones to find his little girl.

"The White Knight rides again," Xander had murmured, making his way through the zombie infested streets in the 'borrowed' SUV he was driving, now that his other car had been totaled.

When he got the grade school, he realized he'd already been beaten to saving the girl. Especially when the gun got shoved in his face.

"Who the fuck are you?" The woman - in a very nice outfit - demanded. There were four other people with her, including the girl the good Doctor had contacted him about.

"Xander Harris, I'm here to save the day?"

Yup, stopping here had to be the _worst _idea he'd had to date.


End file.
